Start of a fantastic weekend!

So I am really excited cause this weekend has been great so far! Yesterday Clay and I made a MAJORLY fun purchase which I will share with you probably in a few days.

But doing so caused us to run a lot of errands together yesterday. I was thinking about it...and I was like...obviously it will be way different cause hopefully we'll have a baby, but when I eventually come home from work and stay home, this is what life will be like! My stay at home mom life will be much different than most that I know, cause my husband will be home with me! I'm actually pretty excited about it. I think it will work great for Clay and me. Anyway...that was just a side note.

Yesterday Patty and I made some "veggie bags". Basically light weight baggies to put our veggies in at the store instead of the plasticky ones. Just trying to save the world one plastic bag at a time. Just joking. I'm pretty sure we just thought it'd be fun and cute. And it was! And is! The only thing is...we originally were planning on printing images onto freezer paper and transferring them to the fabric. It didn't work out that great. So we need a new idea. Either way, they look awesome plain. Very pottery-barn ish.

Then I started on another Halloween Decoration. A few of them actually. And today I will decorate! YAY! I have high hopes that my new focus and excitement for halloween decor and thanksgiving decor delays my excitement for Christmas decor. I always have a problem with decorating early. Not this year! We are celebrating ALL holidays this year!

Then of course tonight is the Relief Society Broadcast! I love these things. It just boosts you up which is always needed. Did you know that the Relief Society is the largest women's organization in the world? In case you are wondering, it's an organization under the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints, and our motto is "Charity never faileth". The whole point is basically to organize relief for others. Service, charity, love, are all things we strive to do better. I LOVE relief society, and am proud to be a member!

Well, better get crackin on those decorations! Till next time.

Me and Martha

So I was standing in line in the grocery store when I saw the Martha Stewart magazine. Oh! So beautiful. Seriously. I used to get these magazines in the mail and it was fantastic. I know that there isn't anything in the magazine that isn't on her website, but there's just something about having a magazine to sit down and browse through.

But, I don't have a subscription anymore...so I thought- I haven't browsed that website in a while. The truth is, I LOVE MARTHA! Seriously seriously love her. Do you know how much she has taught me since I've been married? A LOT! If ever I can't get ahold of a mom or a sister...Martha is always there to instruct. 

It really all started when we FIRST got married and I didn't have school yet and my job didn't start till 11am. Those times were BLISS! I woke up, I worked out while watching the View, which was way less obnoxious at the time than it is now...then I'd eat and get ready or something...then MARTHA. Her show was always on before work and it was fantastic! She inspired me so much. Then school started and it was so sad. I couldn't watch Martha anymore. But then I got the subscription so it wasn't too bad. 

Since then I've received three Martha Stewart books that are just wonderful. 

This is my first Martha book. And here is the truth. EVERYONE needs this book. There are so many amazing cookies in this book! And brownies! My favorite brownie in the WHOLE UNIVERSE came from this book. This book is beautiful and depressing because I can't bake out of it every weekend like I used to. 

Pretty sure this is my second book I've received. Can I tell you? I didn't dig into this for a couple years I think but HELLO. This is like a cooking bible. I realized it when one day I was like, "hmmm I wonder how to boil an egg" literally I wasn't sure. So of course I looked online...there were lots of different opinions on the right timing and such...so I thought- "I bet Martha knows" so I popped open this book and BAM. Instructions on boiling an egg. Same for poached eggs. And OH YEAH- I learned to make omelets from this book! I promise there's more in there besides eggs...but that's just one area I wasn't too educated on so it's helped a lot. I just love it cause I can look in the index and then she has PHOTOGRAPHIC instructions on a lot of things! So perfect. And I'll tell you this- not ONCE have I followed the instructions from this book and have something not turn out! The wonderful thing is I can look online for anything, of course. But so many people have so many differing opinions it's hard to decide which method to use! But here's the wonderful part- I can always rely on Martha to have the best method. Cause seriously she's never let me down. 

Third book. This one, unfortunately, I haven't really dug into yet. I really need to. Cause lets face it...Martha has PROVEN herself time and time again. I probably could learn a lot since it appears from the cover there are tips on cleaning...and I'm not the best cleaner. 

Anyway- here's my point. MARTHA IS A GENIUS! I seriously just love her. What Steve Jobs was to tech people, Martha is for me. 

I'm currently reading the book, "The Happiness Project" and it's really really inspiring. One of the chapters is talking about having fun. You need to make time for fun. But what I really liked is that she said what is fun for you may not be fun for others. You may WISH you liked to do certain things but you just might not! And that's okay. Find what you find to be fun, and do it! With a combination of that insight, and seeing the beautiful Martha magazine on the rack at the store...I remembered, I LOVE Martha stuff. It is SO FUN to look through her books, magazines, and website. I literally have so much fun doing it. So I have been looking at her site a bit more the past few days. And it's fun! Her pictures are always so beautiful...and there's just lots of good stuff ya know? 

My latest Martha adventure is hosting Thanksgiving. She has so many tips and tricks so I know it'll be a great feast!

Are you a Martha student? She will ALWAYS surpass crafty/foody bloggers in my mind...since of course, all their inspiration stemmed from her :) It's true, I'm a devout Martha fan. 

PS- This is the latest book that I really want. In case anyone's wondering ;) 

Although this one is catching my eye too!

Tv...weekend...awkward question...

I LOVE tv. As in, I watch a ton of it. I'm not really ashamed of that either. I still get lots of lovely things done in my life. But the truth is, I do watch a TON of it. I have watched so many series on netflix it's bordering on the pathetic status. But you know, it's just how life goes sometimes. And I've kind of decided that with the upcoming fall tv shows...I need to stop my netflix series watching bit.

So today when I came home for lunch, instead of watching Nikita or 90210 or Greys (always my fallback), I picked up my book and read! Then Clay couldn't help it- he just decided he wanted to eat with me and talk. So you know, human interaction and reading, can't get TOO much better than that.

It's sort of refreshing to CHOOSE not to watch tv when you have spare time.

Don't get me wrong. I FULLY plan on indulging in all my fall shows. Greys, REVENGE!, Modern Family, Up all Night, New Girl, Vampire Diaries. But there's a big difference of watching one show a day rather than MANY episodes in a row of one show. Cause that's what I do on netflix. I just watch an entire season of a show within a week. And if you think about it, that equals many episodes per day. So...new goal- stop that. I'm on day one of this goal and so far, so good!

It is chilly. It was like 61 degrees today and I had my car heat on full blast. It was a bit refreshing. And Clay turned on our house heat! Crazy. I'm a little bit enjoying it. And a little bit not. But really I'm pretty content, so hopefully that sticks.

I am SO EXCITED for the holidays! I'm excited cause I have a few new decorations for Halloween and they are AWESOME!

This weekend Clay and I did some MAJOR cleaning in our basement. I wish I would've taken a before pic! Because SERIOUSLY seriously we cleared out a tonnnn of junk. And organized a ton of stuff too. It looks so great down there and we have so much more space. YAY us!

We got two snails for the tank. They are sucking up all the algae and have been very busy.

On a really great note- I've had a lot of lingering symptoms disappear lately. Like, my hair doesn't fall out anymore, my rash appears to be gone (shoulders and back area), and I really don't have joint pain anymore. So it's pretty fantastic. I hope it sticks.

On an awkward note. I have a question to normal people about night sweats :) haha. Seriously, I can talk to Clay all I want about this...but he has Lyme Disease so he's a bit biased. So I used to get serious night sweats. I mean I'd wake up and my chest and back would be SOPPING wet and it'd just suck. Now...I will sometimes wake up and feel a bit sweaty but my clothes aren't wet...the sheets aren't wet...but maybe I'm just a bit wet. Does this happen in normal people's lives? I mean...I'm not positive on this and I want to make sure. And I feel like sometimes I'm not even wet! Like it's almost as if I might START sweating soon...but then I pop a leg out of the covers or something. I know I probably sound crazy. But if you have any insight, please don't hesitate to share :) I feel like I'm essentially symptom free...except for this whole night sweatish deal. And I'd really like to not be hanging on to the notion that I have Lyme still JUST because of this one thing if normal people have these things happen too? Anyway, sorry if this is awkward.

Till next time.

Early start of the weekend

Something that I absolutely LOVE about my job is that I get most Friday's off when it's not tax season! I work every 3rd Friday if we want to get real technical, but in my mind, that means I have most Friday's off! It's glorious.

So this morning I went to 6 thrift stores. YEP- SIX! And can you believe I didn't find one thing to buy until I hit up the sixth store?! I spent $1.54 on five fake pumpkins. Then I hit up the dollar store and got three more pumpkins for $3.00.Then off to Fred Meyers to get some spray paint...and then I vowed I wouldn't spend any more money until December! At least on myself and decorations. It'll be rough...but I think I can do it :)

So I was feeling kinda bad cause lets be honest here...I bought 4 cans of spray paint. Clay currently thinks I only bought two...and I didn't lie to him, I just didn't outright tell him it was really four. So, surprise love:) But here's the deal...I barely used up maybe a third of the cans! So I will have them for many projects to come. But again, I am on a spending freeze until December.

So like I was saying, I was feeling bad...so I called PetSmart to see if they had any angel fish in. They are ALWAYS always out when we go and that is the one fish Clay has REALLY wanted since he first got the tank. Well they had like 10 in!!! I thought of surprising him by bringing one home...but thought I'd better let him come pick it out himself. So I called him and said, "Are you ready for the day?!" he said yes, so I came home and we went back out to PetSmart and got ourselves an angel fish! No name yet...

Then we came home...debated who had to make our grilled cheese sandwiches. I told him I make his lunch all the time so he should make it. He offered to rub my back tonight for 3 minutes if I made the sandwiches. I said, 5 minutes. He said, nope 3 minutes, take it or leave it. So I was so mad and said, "FINE- you don't get any lunch!" I finished what I was doing on the computer and then said, "4 minutes, take it or leave it." He countered with 3:30. I countered with 3:30 of rubbing and 30 sec of scratching. He countered with 3:30 of rubbing, 15 sec scratching. I made the final counter of 3:30 rub, 15 sec scratch, and 15 sec of complimenting me telling me how beautiful I am. DEAL! Making lunch is not such a simple thing around here.

Then I spray painted my goods and oh! I can't wait to show you guys.

Then we continued to gather stuff around our house and garage and took pictures, posted on craigslist....we are seriously doing awesome here. We are raising money for our Christmas present for ourselves and it's pretty exciting. Hopefully we'll get it here in the next month or so. Anywho...that's been our day. Now I have just put in the oven cauliflour pizza crust. We'll see how it turns out! It sure smelt good. Once it's done we'll eat it and watch "Up all Night", a funny tv show. Any of you watch it? We like it.

And THAT is a good early start to the weekend! I'm happy happy happy. Tomorrow I'm helping out for baptisms in the temple and I'm so excited! It's always so wonderful to be in there and I think I could really use a spiritual boost in my life. So pretty much, this weekend rocks.

Peace out.

My Petticoat!

 So I saw this on pinterest and definitely wanted to make one! And I love it! The instructions are super easy and anyone with beginning sewing skills could totally whip one up. Go HERE for the tutorial.

I am seriously always struggling when it comes to skirts. They are often just a titch on the short side and I just hate that. I'm always adjusting and trying to pull it down. I have pretty long legs and so "modest" skirts typically aren't completely modest on me! Come to the rescue- petticoat skirt. YES!

 

Please note my pose in this picture. I kinda spilt some salsa on my shirt earlier, so I'm just coverin it up:)

I'm basically so excited about this because I have skirts that are a bit too short and I have SEEN skirts and dresses that are a bit too short...this solves all my problems :) Yay!

 And a little extra cuteness for your day.

The time our doctor thought we believed in polygamy

Here's a story for you.

We are sitting in our doctor's office in Seattle and Clay asks our doctor, "What do you think of mormons?". Now- she knows we are mormon. She asked us our very first appointment if we were since we don't drink, smoke, do drugs, and we live in Idaho. She's pretty intelligent and was able to make the connection. SO anyway...she says,

"Well...I think there are some really good people that are mormons and really crazy people that are mormons".

We laughed and pretty much said, uhh yeah us too! Clay said he just wanted to know from a perspective of someone who doesn't follow a specific religion (she is VERY spiritual, just doesn't belong to a church and has NO desire to) what they thought of mormons especially with Romney running for president and everything. We chit chatted about a few different things and then she finally said,

"Well, this is the thing. I just really can't respect any religion that believes in having multiple wives."

So...that was a little awkward. But you know, it was time the truth came out. So I told her about my sister wives. I explained that it really wasn't demeaning to be one of many wives to Clay. In fact, I LOVE my sister wives. It was actually pretty convenient this conversation came up because I was able to tell her that my sister wives DID in fact have Lyme disease too. But I'm the favorite, so Clay let me come to the doctor with him. We share our medicine and they follow the same plan that she gives me. Which is why, again, this conversation is so convenient.

"Now that you know, could you write some prescriptions for the other wives?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ACTUALLY, the conversation went more like this. "ha...uh...no- we don't believe in that"

Her- "Well I know that there are mormons with multiple wives, and I went on the Salt Lake tour and they talked about it there"

Us- "well yes, it's part of our history, much like EVERY religion has had polygamy in their history. But we do not support that at ALL." and tried to explain the reorganized church and stuff.

But it turns out, her mind seemed quite closed and stubborn to the idea. She went on and on about how blacks and women should not be thought of as lesser people and she was raised that she can do anything she wants and the only thing that she can't do that a man can has to do with physical strength. It's really ironic because she always talks about how logical she is and how she can't stand it when people aren't logical...yet, she knows that I am a CPA, have a college degree, have a job, and she knows Clay and I are complete equals in our marriage. So how would she think that we belong to a church that demeans women? I dunno. The conversation was a little strange. She said she thinks that Mitt Romney will lose because he is Mormon. And for that reason only.

We were seriously SHOCKED when those words came out of her mouth. Like...this whole time did she think, "I wonder how many wives he has?". Like...seriously? I doubt she thought that since she had the statement, some are good some are crazy...but anyway. I guess I just forget since I'm here in Idaho that there are still people with these crazy notions about Mormons.

Incase you missed the sarcasm...the above story about my sister wives- NOT TRUE. I am the only wife to my husband and I do NOT have sister wives! And incase you didn't know, Mormons, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints- DOES NOT- in any way, shape or form, support polygamy. Nope! Not at all. And I feel the need to also say that the church strongly preaches EQUALITY in marriage. Husbands and wives are equal in responsibility, and rights! Yikes. Seriously- I hope people know this. And if you didn't, know it now! And stop thinking these crazy things. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Anyway...Seattle was fine. Nothing new. In case you want details...the basic down low is I am still experiencing "night sweats" which according to the doc is major sign I still have infection. Here's to praying I don't have night sweats these next two months! I hate Lyme Disease.

Just some randoms....

1. Did you know I have a twitter account? I know. Twitter is crazy. But it's PERFECT for a crazy like me who is obsessed with celebrities. I follow all my celebs on there like Emily Maynard, Jef Holm, all my Pretty Little Liars actress/actors, Glenn Beck, Jimmy Fallon...and more. I like to see what they are up to during the day. haha I'm a freak, I know.

2. When I drink my herbs, I put the drops into juice. The juice BARELY helps...and it still tastes like I'd imagine acid to taste like. So what I do is I fill it like an inch high, put my herbs in, and drink it like a shot. Then I slam the glass down on the counter and make a face like people do when they drink shots. Then I pour myself another to clear out the taste and I honestly do this to pretend it's not as bad as it is and that maybe I'm just juicin up to face the rest of the day.

3. We started cleaning out the weeds in our front yard and then later in the day we saw a PHEASANT in our yard. He has kind of just made our yard his home. Clay immediately started calling him Franklin. And it's alright. We aren't feeding him though. I just always make sure he's not around to get me when I go outside!

4. The other day Clay was saying his snack food is chips. He needs CHIPS. I am always battling him on this cause most chips are full of junk. Well, I said I'd look for a healthy chip, and a healthy chip I did find! It was sweet potato and carrot chips! I thought that they must be somewhat good? So anyway, I get home from work the next day after buying them and Clay says, "I want you to try these chips" and what do you know- NASTY. Clay was pretty much shocked that I even considered buying them. He said he didn't even look at the package closely until he tasted them. He saw the package picture and assumed they were BBQ chips. Nope! Just orange colored! Needless to say, I wont be buying those again.

That's really all for now!

New Rug

We got a new rug! We sold our old one...and got this new shag rug. We LOVE it. It is just so cozy and perfect. Dante loves it too. 

My newest obsession is getting curtains on those windows. I HATE HATE HATE blinds. And that is the current thing on them. So hopefully soon I can work on that :) 

Have you noticed I've been in the whole, "changing my house" mood? Dining wall, rug, curtains...I have a new theory. If I hate something, change it. Of course it can cost money to have this attitude. But that's why I shop at thrift stores and that's why I sold my old rug before I bought a new one. And that's why I am selling all my crap around my house before I start on curtains. But you know what? It's great. Cause now instead of having all this negative energy in my life where I look at a wall and think, "Ugh. I sure hate that wall" or "UGH- I sure hate that rug. Why did we settle?!" now I look at my wall and say, "Oh! I love it!" and I look at my rug and say, "Oh! Doesn't it look so much nicer in here?" and soon I will look at my curtains and say, "Oh! So much better. So cozy." Seriously...it's my new motto. If you hate something, change it. I know it's probably more complex than that. But so far it's working.

Today is a little chilly. I wore some boots and a skirt and I like wearing boots but I don't like feeling a little chilly! Oh well. It's life. I am really looking forward to the holidays. Like actually a LOT. Mostly excited to decorate! That's another motto I'm starting. If I hate a season, find something to be passionate about in it. I hate being cold and I hate winter! So I will be passionate about my holiday decorating! 

Life lessons. They are always coming to me :)

New Bach & Chopin heads for my piano!

So I guess I never blogged about this- but this is very exciting for me. I bought these two head statue guys at the thrift store for $5.95 each. I loved them so much I just couldn't bear to leave them. EVEN though I thought they were a LITTLE pricey. But later I looked them up online and it turns out guys like this are selling on ebay for like $100!!! So I'd say I got a pretty good deal :) 

 Bach is on the left, Chopin on the right. They are signed and dated from Italy and made of marble. 

 They go PERFECTLY with my beautiful Jane Austen book Patty gave me a few years ago.

And they go great with the rest of my piano decor as well! Yay!

I seriously just love them to pieces!

Oriental Beef Salad

This salad is SO GOOD. I hate that I always forget about it. On the other hand though, it makes it really great when we DO have it.

INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 pounds beef flank steak (I used Elk that my hubby got...it was great!)
2 TBS each: vegetable oil, soy sauce, rice wine vinegar (I just used "Rice Vinegar" I don't know if it's the same thing or not, but it tasted great)
1/2 cup water
1 cup each: thinly sliced celery and shredded red cabbage
4 green onions, sliced
1 package (3 oz) beef flavor Ramen noodles (omit if gluten-free as I did in the picture)
1 tsp sugar (or agave)
1 tsp each: instant beef bouillon and garlic powder
1 head romain, torn into bite-size pieces
1/2 cup slivered almonds
2 TBS toasted sesame seeds*
Ginger dressing (recipe follows)

DIRECTIONS:
Partially freeze flank steak by placing in freezer two hours prior to preparation time (this isn't a MUST-it is only to make it easier to cut, I didn't do it today and was just fine). Make marinade by combining water, oil, soy sauce, vinegar, sugar, bouillon granules, and garlic powder; mix well. Stir in beef flavor packet from soup mix. Slice steak diagonally across the grain into 1/4 inch thick slices; cut slices crosswise into 1 1/2 inch strips. Place beef and marinade in plastic zip-loc bag, turning occasionally. Marinate for at least 30 minutes. Prepare Ginger dressing. Drain beef; heat large non-stick frying pan over medium-high heat until hot. Stir-fry beef, 1/2 at a time, 5 to 6 minutes or until brown. Remove beef from pan after each batch is cooked. Drain beef, add Ginger Dressing and toss with lettuce, celery, cabbage, almonds, and broken ramen noodle. Place in serving bowl. Sprinkle with sesame seeds. Makes 6 servings.

*To toast sesame seeds, heat sesame seeds in small pan over medium heat until golden, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and pour into small dish to prevent further browning.

Ginger Dressing

1/4 cup sugar (or agave)
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
1/4 tsp ground ginger (this is in the spice section in the store)
1/4 tsp pepper
1 tsp salt

Combine sugar, oil, salt, vinegar, ginger, and pepper in small bowl, whisk until blended. Yield: about 2/3 cup.

New Dining Wall

Okay- so this was a long time coming. And the truth is, I think I will constantly be adding and taking away from this wall...but right now, I LOVE IT! So I had to share! I believe every single thing on this wall was purchased from the DI, Calvary Thrift store, or given to me. WOOT WOOT! 

 Here is my doggie silhouette that I did a few weeks ago. The little molding shelf thing I got for 75 cents at DI, and the owl I got for $1 at DI. It used to be brown and I painted it yellow and glazed it. The print I got from here. It's free.  The oval frame I got for $1 at the DI! It had some ancient painting in it of a flower or something, so I updated it with some CUTE fabric I didn't know what to do with. 

Here is my "all you need is love" painting! Again, this used to be some oldy landscape painting that I just frankly wasn't into. So I just painted right over it! I love it. The gold plate thing I got like over a year ago for a buck. DI. My fav store. I got that big oval frame for 2 bucks at Calvary thrift. The small gold oval frame was 75 cents at DI.

 

This gold ornate small oval frame was a buck at DI. Again just put my own fabric in! That little BABY  frame with the victorian lady in it was 31 cents at Calvary thrift! 

 

I know this style isn't everyone's cup of tea (might be too crowded? I durno) but I SERIOUSLY love it. It is totally what I think is my style, which I have a hard time putting in words for people when they ask me.  That frame on the other wall is where I always put my holiday prints...SO excited to put up halloween!

Please ignore the really attractive dog food sitting there (next project- dog food station that is ACTUALLY attractive).

As far as the other randoms on the shelves...the tile decor on the left was from a thrift store in Waldport, OR for like $10 bucks I think? My mom bought it for me (even though she wasn't with me! haha). It was purchased like...2 years ago or more. The turquose vase on the right used to be gold, but I spray painted it turquoise. The candle and jar used to be clear but I spray painted those as well. Both those mugs I got from DI like 3 years ago or more. The books I just had :) THOSE are definite ones I'd love to replace when I get cuter ones. But they'll do. It's hard to tell but there is a mug thingy on the left side that is metal or stone or something? It's heavy duty and looks like it belongs at a knights round table. Clay LOVED it and we got it from DI like...4 years ago. 

I seriously can't believe how many things I've gotten from the DI! Or any thrift store from that matter. I didn't even realize it. Anyway- that's that! I think I will go sit on my couch and just stare at it now.

Side note- I just did quick math on my collage and I think I really only spent $9 total to do that. Obviously it's all worth more but half was given to me or I just had already. I only spent $9 of my money on this wall! Happiness.

Just some rambling...

So, I've been busy busy. I have basically done the following:

Organized our junk drawer
Cleaned out our junk basket!
Cleaned off the top of the fridge (yep...if you are counting that is THREE junky areas we had)
Cleaned up my cooking book area (total mess with tons of random papers everywhere)
Created a new dining wall collage
Spray painted a bunch of goodies
Sewed a table runner for halloween
Eaten a TON of utah peaches
Prepared lesson for YW and taught it (it was on being in the world but not of the world- awesome topic)

Basically I think I've either been super driven or super trying to distract myself. I told Clay I was "nesting", getting ready for the winter. Pretty soon winter will come and I will love it for about two days and then I will have my little seasonal depression kick in. So anyway...I figured maybe my body is getting my brain ready for this winter season by making my house more enjoyable and happy?

Or I could just be distracting myself from the INTENSE baby hunger I've been having. I know, broken record over here. I just seriously...sometimes the ache and loneliness is a bit much. And I go through these phases of not understanding why I have to go through this and wait and wait and wait. And then I think, "What if we can't get pregnant when we are better?" cause you know, we DID try for a year before we got diagnosed and who knows. It could've been the Lyme, it could've been a miracle, it could've meant that we really can't get pregnant. I don't know. But then when I think of that, it makes me think okay...best case scenario we can start trying in a year? Then try for a year? Then start the adoption process and not get a baby for a year? Or longer? And I'm looking at 3 more years of waiting. Of course Clay tells me, "You need to have faith, it could come a lot faster than you think" but I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm sick of getting my hopes up. Did you know that a year ago, our doctor told us that probably in a year we could start trying? Then a couple months ago she said in a year we probably will be ready? It's not fun. So I guess maybe I'm just putting all the worst case scenarios out there so I wont be let down? But of course that just makes me depressed and angry and annoyed that I'm even in this situation. Now I want to clarify that I don't think adoption is a "worst case" type of thing. The only thing I mean by that is this...I WANT my babies. I want them now! I just hope I don't have to wait 3 more years to start getting them. I know this will sound cheesy, but I seriously feel like there's a part of my heart that is empty...that needs to be filled...and I don't know. I just feel like the more that time passes, the more I can feel it. I KNOW...it sounds cliche and cheesy and probably even stupid. But seriously, there is something hollow in my chest and when I really let myself feel these emotions...it hurts.

I DO know that this is all somehow part of the plan. I know that when I have a baby, it will all disappear and all the waiting will be worth it and it will all make sense. I know that. I know that the Lord is mindful and his timing is the right timing. I guess it's just hard to be happy with it. I have a lot of happy things in my life, I do! And all will be well. I know it. I am just going through one of those hurt phases right now I suppose.

Besides that life is good. We have a doc appt this week, so that's always good. I never TRULY know how Clay is doing until he's talking in the doctors office. So, we'll see. I'm feeling great.

Well, that's all for now. Tomorrow I'll post pics of my dining wall.