Friday, February 11, 2011

Not much going on

It's hard for me to post lately cause I feel like I'm such a downer or such a boring person. All I have going on in my life is taxes and Lyme Disease.

This week has been one emotional hayride. Towards the beginning of the week I really was just like- holy smokes, my life sucks and I basically hate everything. I pretty much was struggling quite a bit. And then it was like...right when I felt like, you know...did Heavenly Father forget about me? Something happened that was basically so blatantly heaven-sent. I don't really feel like sharing it with the world right now, maybe one day- but I really felt like Heavenly Father was just sending me a little poke, like...I'm here. I need to have more faith. I need to read my scriptures more. I need to pray more.

One thing that has been SO amazingly wonderful is all those meals my momma made me! Oh deary me what a difference it's made. When I think of all the ways it's helped it's overwhelming to me. Life is definitely easier.

I honest to goodness wonder how people endure health issues if they are atheist. Or don't believe in life beyond this earth life. If I thought this was it...MAN it'd be so much harder. I just take SO much comfort in the fact that this is happening for a reason. Somehow, I will grow from this...and if I endure this life, I can only look forward to an amazing life on the other side. Heavenly Father has promised that if we endure, we can't even imagine how great of blessings he has in store for us. This thought makes me happy.

I have been thinking a lot about babies lately. And how much I love them. I told Clay the other day...and this may sound CRAZY...but I seriously feel like I can feel our future kids....something. Not presence or's just like I feel like I miss them. When I haven't even met them. In this life anyway. I just...I don't know feel like they are anxious and waiting...and it's just this weird feeling that has been sort of hard for me because it makes me SO excited for kids. And not even just kids. I just KNOW that my family that I will going to be the absolute joy of my life. I know that having kids and being a family is my whole point in this life. I'm just so excited! It's hard to have to wait. I just re-read this paragraph and I bet it will freak some people out or weird them out. I dunno. It's just the truth.

Well, this post turned out to be super serious. I think I'll go sew something now. I am actually feeling up to it! Yay!

Thank you for praying for me and my husband. I feel very loved.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Wanna know a secret?

My mom is a super hero. She has to be.

Look at what she did in basically 2 days.

Yes, my friends...that is 3 MONTHS WORTH of freezer meals! She spent two straight days with barely any sleep (one night she LITERALLY didn't sleep) cooking, cleaning, cooling, bagging, labeling. Seriously- I can't even believe it. I go outside in the negative twenty degree weather and have my choice of: chicken pot pie, dill chicken braid, tacos, meatballs, chicken fried rice, louisianna red beans and rice, fajitas - both chicken and steak, roast, rotiserri style chicken, turkey vegetable soup, italian skillet chicken, spaghetti, shredded BBQ pork, shredded green chili sauce pork, ham, and I'm sure I'm forgetting more...this is all just off the top of my head. Oh, and don't worry- I've also got a choice of mashed potatoes, rice, and quinoa for a side dish. HOW DID SHE DO IT?! I seriously will never know. Oh- and she also made enough gravy to basically serve all of Idaho. This all was, of course, after she completely went through my kitchen item by item- while i sat on a chair- and re-arranged the entire thing and re-organized so that it is just GORGEOUSLY simple and clean and wonderful. Let me tell you- those cupboards were scary. Serious help was needed.

The last night my mom was here, she seriously didn't sleep. I kept telling her it was okay if she didn't finish everything...and she said- no I want to get it done, I can sleep on the plane. The next morning I asked how she slept and she said, "I think I got about...a half hour" WHAT?!

I can't even begin to describe how blessed I feel. I am sooooo tired, all of the time these days. And I'm so stressed about food. I'm too tired to make anything, let alone think of what to make. She completely lifted that burden...and my life is already better because of it!

Just to give you a rundown- my wondrous mother got here friday night. We basically spent the whole night planning what we wanted to make and what we'd need to get etc. We also tried making homemade gluten-free flour tortillas (WHICH WERE AWESOME fresh) which I will be sharing the recipe soon, I'm sure. Saturday was shopping day. It took quite a long time and I'm pretty sure I thought I might die by the end there! My mom kept can go to the car, you can sit down. But I wanted to be with her for the short time she was I trucked on. Sunday I was tooooooo sick to go to church (did I mention I got sick? Yeah. Pretty much friday I got sick), so I told my mom I wanted her to stay home- cause she is the type that would still go to a ward she's never been to cause she is so good! But I told her I wanted to have her home with me and she stayed! YIPPEE!!! I'm pretty glad too cause she pretty much watched part of "Meet me in St Louis" - have you seen that musical?! It was THE BOMB! I loved it- and then thats when she also completely redid my kitchen. I went to work on Monday and by 4:00 I really I dieing? What the heck is wrong with my stomach? And suddenly everything Clay described about herx reactions started making sense. For some reason I thought I could go to work Tuesday...but I was home by 10am...groaning and sighing...I watched Camp Rock, Funny Girl, and finally Gilmore Girls. I was pretty much too sick to even barely talk to my mom which was sad, but she still would come watch stuff every ONCE in a while just on a mini break for lunch or dinner, and she obviously took great care of me! She left Weds morn and that SUCKED. But I decided to finally try and take care of myself and stayed home from work again. I work with the nicest people ever. My co-worker came on her lunch break to bring me a jamba juice! I think it helped boost my system and my spirits :) But anyway...Weds brought Camp Rock 2- which by the way, ROCKED. I love those shows! I must be some crazy girl cause I never realized how cool the Jonas Brothers were. Disney's just the best. I finally feel BETTER today...but I'm still just so worn out. I've got to tell you- I'm pretty sure I was herxing the past couple days and it was not good. I didn't like it a bit! Oh well.

Clay has been working his GUTS OUT! literally- hhha. Not funny, but he worked like a 14 hour day...and for Clay's condition, to not rest for 14 hours can take it's toll. He threw up a TON when he got home at 1 am. They are launching a big ol thing next week so they have been working late late laaaaaaaaaate nights. I don't like it.

I think this past week I have been colder than basically ever in my whole existence. It's been like negative 20. NEGATIVE TWENTY! And guess what Clay had the thermostat set at? FREAKING 62 DEGREES! Oh my. I turned that bad boy up to 70. He claims he forgot to change it...welllllllll all I know is it felt like I was camping, and I wasn't. I had tights, sweats, socks, pajama shirt AND sweatshirt on- in the "comfort" of my own home...FREEZING! All is well now though. My poor mom. I was worried she was frozen dead down in that basement! We seriously gave her like 10 blankets probably. She did inform me it'd probably be nice to invest in a space heater for that room :)

I'm really excited to start feeling better cause I've got such fun projects in store. I've finally got all the supplies...I just don't have the energy. This morning it took me like 2 hours to get ready...cause I had to stop every 5 minutes and sit down to rest. I didn't like that. But you could be worse.

Blogging is good for me. I feel so good right now. I just feel like it's all going to be okay. I dunno. I know I whined a lot about the heat and energy and stuff but for some reason it just feels like it's alright. Probably cause I can start smelling that chicken pot pie in the oven :)

I just know that Clay and I will get through this trial called Lyme Disease. Oh I know it will take time and patience and tears and pain....but I just keep thinking that years from now we will look back on this time as just a memory. We will be stronger (physically and mentally), and I just know we will be better people after we are done. We better be! And I also keep trying to tell myself that this is not the end...nor the beginning...nor the majority. This life, that is. If you look at the BIG BIG picture...this whole earth life will one day be just a memory, I suppose. Which may be weird to say, but it's kinda comforting for me right now. Clay and I wont have Lyme disease after this life- which will be nice. We will be rid of it in this life, but we will never stop worrying about it I don't think. At least I wont. Oh well. Life moves on...and...I've found that you kinda just have to move with it!

I'm so happy- I feel so loved and happy. My freezer is full of yummy homemade gluten-free sugar-free meals, my cupboards are so organized, clean, and awesome, my microwave is clean (what?! she did that too?! I discovered that one yesterday :) ), I have a spiffy new can opener (teeheheh my mom accidentally broke mine...oh how sad. She bought me a new one), and right now...Dante is just peacefully laying on the floor next to me staring at the stairwell (he has been staring at that stairwell for probably 1o straight minutes...pretty riveting stuff). I'm still sick- so I'm going to just watch tv all night guilt-free. That's the one good thing about being sick, so I HAVE to take advantage.

Alright- this was a LOOOONG one. Oh well. I liked it.