Friday, February 11, 2011

Not much going on

It's hard for me to post lately cause I feel like I'm such a downer or such a boring person. All I have going on in my life is taxes and Lyme Disease.

This week has been one emotional hayride. Towards the beginning of the week I really was just like- holy smokes, my life sucks and I basically hate everything. I pretty much was struggling quite a bit. And then it was like...right when I felt like, you know...did Heavenly Father forget about me? Something happened that was basically so blatantly heaven-sent. I don't really feel like sharing it with the world right now, maybe one day- but I really felt like Heavenly Father was just sending me a little poke, like...I'm here. I need to have more faith. I need to read my scriptures more. I need to pray more.

One thing that has been SO amazingly wonderful is all those meals my momma made me! Oh deary me what a difference it's made. When I think of all the ways it's helped it's overwhelming to me. Life is definitely easier.

I honest to goodness wonder how people endure health issues if they are atheist. Or don't believe in life beyond this earth life. If I thought this was it...MAN it'd be so much harder. I just take SO much comfort in the fact that this is happening for a reason. Somehow, I will grow from this...and if I endure this life, I can only look forward to an amazing life on the other side. Heavenly Father has promised that if we endure, we can't even imagine how great of blessings he has in store for us. This thought makes me happy.

I have been thinking a lot about babies lately. And how much I love them. I told Clay the other day...and this may sound CRAZY...but I seriously feel like I can feel our future kids....something. Not presence or anything...it's just like I feel like I miss them. When I haven't even met them. In this life anyway. I just...I don't know feel like they are anxious and waiting...and it's just this weird feeling that has been sort of hard for me because it makes me SO excited for kids. And not even just KIDS...like...OUR kids. I just KNOW that my family that I will have...is going to be the absolute joy of my life. I know that having kids and being a family is my whole point in this life. I'm just so excited! It's hard to have to wait. I just re-read this paragraph and I bet it will freak some people out or weird them out. I dunno. It's just the truth.

Well, this post turned out to be super serious. I think I'll go sew something now. I am actually feeling up to it! Yay!

Thank you for praying for me and my husband. I feel very loved.

12 comments:

Lizzie said...

I love what you wrote about feeling your future kids. It's so sweet. I love how you said you miss them.

I'm sorry things are so down right now. I love you like crazy. Take care.

AMY AND MIKEY said...

I didn't think that paragraph sounded wierd at all! I loved it! And I thought it was very spiritual and sweet. Oh Danyelli, I'm so sorry this week has been so hard. We pray for you every single day. And- if you want to blog, then do it- because we all want to know what's going on, good or bad. And when I was going through cancer- my blogs weren't happy, they were all sad and depressing, but you all still wanted to read them, so remember that and blog when you want to, even if it's complaining, or if it's all serious. We want to hear all of it. I'm so glad mom made all those meals for you. I love you so much- love you love you

smitters said...

You are so sweet! I love your tender thoughts! I want to hug you. Your kiddos will be so lucky to have you as their mom.
-Tess

Kristi M. said...

I temporarily forgot that you would be in the middle of tax season right now. That would understandbly make you super duper tired. The kids thing didn't sound weird. Now if I was an atheist is probably would sound crazy. It makes sense to me. You will be such a great mommy.

Kayleen said...

Didn't sound weird to me either. Just sweet and exciting. I'm sorry you're feeling low lately. I hope you can find tender mercies each day to help you get through. Your kids are going to be so lucky to have such a sweet and talented mommy who loved them so much before they were even on this earth.

Grandma, Nonnie said...

I love you so much Danielle and Clay also, and we are praying all of the time for you both. I am happy you have those wonderful meals, it is so important to have our physical needs met. Pres. Kimball said it would be hard the teach the Gospel to someone if he were hungry or cold. So our physical bodies are important to us at least here on this earth. We need to have comfort and it is okay to complain or feel serious just keep writing to us. We all love to know about your feelings. We want to know if you are sad or happy, that is what families are all about. I truly believe you could feel your children's spirits and know that they are there to comfort you, as they love you also. Take good care of you and remember our love is always reaching out to you. Hugs and Kisses

katy said...

I think it's awesome what you put about the kids. It makes sense to me. You are going through so much. It has to be hard when both you and your husband are sick,cause if you are both sick at the same time who takes care of you. I am still amazed at the amount of food your mom made. She seems like such a great mom. Sounds like she offers each of you so much support. You are very blessed that way. I hope you are feeling alright. I think serious posts are important. Nobody has a perfect life and if we only do positive posts it's a little fake. You are honest and I think that's good. Always remember you are always in my prayers.

Sharon/Mom/ Grandma said...

Oh my sweet Danille, I love you so much. Don't be too hard on yourself when it comes to scriptures and prayers. When you don't feel good, it's hard to do those things. Do what you can and that is good enough. I had experiences like that with my kids also. It's a blessing from Heavenly Father. I am so glad you can look at eternity, the gospel is such a huge blessing in our lives. Such a simple phrase for such a profound thing. love you!!

Megan and Greg said...

I totally don't think it's wierd to feel or miss your kids. I totally know what you're talking about. I'm sorry things have been so rough. I'm glad you have your meals. I know there's not much I can do, but if there ever IS something I can do, please ask. I love you.

Aliese the Writer said...

You are so brave. I could never be that brave. It sounds awful to be so sick all the time and you are having such a good attitude about it. I love you so much and pray for you both everyday. :)

Gillian said...

I TOTALLY know what you're talking about with the future kids. I've recently begun to pray for the future birth mother of my adoptive children. Even though I'm still trying to get pregnant, I've realized that we'll be adopting no matter what at some point!
It's hard to stay positive all the time. Just keep your head up. We all face trials in our lives and I really do love your positive attitude. I know you nay think 'positive?!" what? Is she thinking about me?...Yep! You always follow your bad thoughts with something that helps ME get through MY day. Even when you're not feeling very good, just remember that little 'poke'. Our Heavenly Father is always with us, and has a plan for each and every one of us, even when we think that the trials can't possibly be heaven sent. Just think about bad things that have happened in the past. I'll bet that you say that those things DID turn out for the best. HIS will be done!
P.S. Tax season will be over soon, and you'll get back to making pillows and other gorgeousness!

Kristi M. said...

I really hope that you continue to read your comments and see this. I didn't know how else to forward this on to you. I don't know if you follow Our Best Bites but they just posted a gluten free roll recipe and I immediately thought of you. They look super yummy too.
http://www.ourbestbites.com/2011/02/quick-brazilian-cheese-rolls-pao-de.html