Motherhood. I have been thinking A LOT about it lately. Like....I used to be the type that is so excited to have a BABY. I wanted to have a baby. However, I think I've wanted that for so long, that I've gotten to the point that I am excited to be a MOTHER. There's a difference. I'm not just excited to have a baby, I'm excited to have a toddler, a 10 year old, even a teenager.
My co-worker was telling me about her son's baseball game the other day. He's 10 I think. She talked about how he basically won the game when they were one point ahead, the bases were loaded by the other team, and the batter hit the ball WAYYYYYYYYYYYY out in center field, where her son was. He dove, and caught it, and they won the game. I was watching her and listening to her, and her eyes teared up, and she was so proud. And it just made me SO HAPPY. I thought, I can't wait to be that proud mom, that is telling my friends about something my child did, and tear up about it because I'm so proud of them! I always tell Clay, I know I'm going to be the proudest mom ever- cause I'm already so proud of kids that aren't even mine. Our friend's daughter is like SOOOOOOOOOO close to crawling...and every time she almost does it, I get SO EXCITED- she's not even my child! So I always think to myself- if I am THIS proud of them, imagine how proud the actual parents are!
I'm even excited to raise teenagers. And I know that's like, the scariest thing ever at the same time...cause everything is all messed up in the world anyway right now- so I can't imagine 15 years from now..but I feel like I can do it. I just feel like- isn't that going to be amazing, to have the chance to sit and talk with your teenager when they get home from school each day, at the most PIVOTAL MOMENTS of their life, and teach them right from wrong...be an example...and LOVE THEM! I seriously can't imagine the gratification that will be.
I just feel like the luckiest person ever- because I'm going to have a chance at being a mother someday. So much lately, my aching has surpassed wanting to have a BABY- to just being excited for the entire life of being a MOTHER. I just think every moment will be the best. I know it's going to be the hardest job ever- and that children test you often, and don't care what you say or do a lot- but I just know it will all be worth it.
Well...............that's all. It's upper 70's today. Which makes me a happy girl. I told Clay I could still use an additional five degrees though. He said it's perfect how it is, I told him it's not. And I'm right, of course.