I decided I didn't want to post yesterday because I had no good news. Are you thinking, "Oh, but you started your internship yesterday..." That's right. I decided I could post today because I'm not HORRIBLY stressed, as I was yesterday. Though...I am still a little stressed.
So on Sunday night I had Clay give me a priesthood blessing and it was very nice. I slept very well and woke up when my alarm clock went off and everything. I was way nervous, but still excited. I get there and Blake, an accountant there, immediately shows me to my work area downstairs. He shows me to my desk and Berny, a fellow intern who has been there a week already, follows and sits at his desk. He starts showing me some programs on the computer and then Jamie comes downstairs, another accountant, and says she'll show me around upstairs. WELL, she shows me the filing room of last years returns that are color coded and tells me to find a certain company. I quickly find it and she gives me a balance sheet and a profit and loss statement and says, you will work on this today. YEP! They just threw me RIGHT IN the frying pan to sizzle and BURN. They kept saying, the only way to learn this is if you just do it. You won't remember anything we tell you unless you try doing it yourself and then ask questions. So I started doing it and it is hard and confusing and I feel like an idiot and ask many questions many of them the same ones over again and I just was really stressed. Then they gave me another tax return. Oh yeah, and these aren't just like individuals tax returns, I know a lot of you probably don't even know some of the lingo but my first tax return I was doing was an S-CORPORATION. I just was really stressed. Then I came home and when Clay got home I ran to the bed and stuffed my head in the matress and said, "I don't want to be busy anymore", and started bawling. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad for me. I'm just being honest. You all think I'm so amazing for some reason, but the truth is, I feel sooooo not smart and not fast. I cried to Clay and then Mom called and I cried to her. Then this morning when I was getting ready, the wind was blowing REALLY REALLY hard outside. Well, I of course am a little nervous. Then Patty called and said that Paul's coworkers drive the same road I drive and they said that the roads were HORRIBLE. White-outs everywhere. I think to myself, "what's a white out?" I don't ask though because I already understand that it just isn't something I want to be in, even if I don't know what it is. She said that roads were closing and I should be really careful and leave early. Well, of course. I start crying and crying. Clay came out because he was sleeping but he could hear me and I told him and we decided I'd just go slow. Well I think Heavenly Father just blessed me or something because the wind really wasn't that bad, but I now understand the term: "white out". My goodness. Just imagine driving around 60mph and all of a sudden not being able to see a thing. It came SO suddenly. It happened probably 3 times just quickly. I was just driving and all was normal and then suddenly everything is white and you can't quite see the road or anything infront of you either. I was fine, it was just really tense and scary. Well, I got there fine and safely. Today was better. I just kept asking the same questions and Kent(he is like the head guy there I think) and Jamie kept saying, "calm down, we aren't expecting you to know what you're doing...you've only been here a day!" Those types of things. I just keep feeling like I'm going too slow or I'm just an idiot for asking certain questions. They talk really fast and I just can't always keep up. UGH. But, it was better and I didn't come home crying. Really it is just stressful and I have decided that I am definitely not a working . Some of you may judge that, but I tell you- I am not cut out for it. I come home and am exhausted. Do you realize I am away 10 hours a day? I work 8-5, which is 9 hours with a 1 hour lunch break, and drive over 30 minutes there and back. It stinks. I am so tired and don't feel like doing ANYTHING. I it. Thank goodness I was able to get our dishes done today. I don't know how some people do what they do. I just wish I could stay home and clean, cook, read, BAKE, and maybe a little sewing. The good news is, the days go by pretty fast. I think it will just keep getting that way the busier I get. The wierd part is, they literally put me straight to work without really giving me any office rules, employee tax forms, dress code...all they told me was to keep track of my hours and to take a lunch from 12-1. I to complain but I just wish I didn't have to do an internship. I don't want to work and I just want to graduate and I am already sick of my job after 2 days! Who knows, maybe it will get better...but I just can't see that happening. I have no idea when I'm going to get over this learning curve and start GETTING things. I'm just sick of staring at the same thing on my computer for like 3 hours not understanding what I'm doing! Asking, getting a vague answer, and still not getting it! And they keep telling me that if 50 different accountants were given the same return to do they'd get 50 different answers. Whatever. It also doesn't help that one of the programs on my computer that they say I ALWAYS need to have up, DOESN'T WORK! They think it will work by tomorrow. Ugh. I am so negative. I just keep trying to tell myself that this is only 3 months long, and even if I'm the worst intern ever, that's OKAY. I'll still live on and have a good life. I just feel like I'm never going to get the hang of it.
On a lighter note. Let me tell you a little story! We went to a friends reception the other night and sat by this older lady and her husband. Well, she started talking to us and asked where I was from and I said from the Oregon Coast. She says she's been everywhere so where exactly am I from. I told her, Yachats. She says, "Really!? My brother lives there and we've been visiting him for nearly 20 years! That's a lovely place!" So we talk about the branch and the add-on to the building and so forth. We chatted about some other things as well. Well, yesterday I was at Clay's parents house and Patty said, "that lady you sat by at the reception, remember? Well you must've given a good impression. She left this for you, I don't know what's in it"...so I opened it and it was an anniversary card. Well, she said that she was glad to hear I was from Yachats and that Clay was always in her prayers while he was on his mission even though she didn't know him....'i figured you'd have an anniversary coming up and it's always nice to get a late wedding gift' there was a check for $50.00! Can you believe that! I told patty, "Well geez, I'm sure glad we decided to sit by her that night!" ha! I'm way happy. Who knows what I'll spend it on!
One bit of good news. I decided I'm going to go to Clay's parents house everyday for lunch since I have an hour. I definitely think it'd be good to get out of the office for an hour and I think it makes the day go by faster. Anyway, I realized today that Gilmore s is on ABCFamily from 12-1! My exact lunch break! How blessed am I?!?! Way blessed. Today was the first episode of the 3rd season...possibly my favorite season! How lovely. Also, how sad. I still get excited to watch gilmore s reruns, on TV after I've seen them all 500 times. I really don't know how many times i've seen each season. MANY times. I know that much. They never get old. They just keep makin me feel good:)
Well........that'll be all I guess. I just figured some of you might be wondering how my internship is going since I have been talking of it nonstop these days. I hope it gets better...it probably will. Another intern is coming next week. If she doesn't know a lot, good...I will feel better about myself. If she knows a lot, good as well...I can ask her lots of questions without feeling as stupid. Alright, love you all. Buh bye.
8 comments:
Well, first on the job, I think you would be a genious if you already were catching on and doing everything fast!!! Lets see whats that scripture....line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little there a little. Hmmmmmmm
I'm glad you get to watch Gilmore girls, sometimes I watch it at at two, I will be thinking of you now knowing you are watching it. I watched it today also. It's one of the few episodes where I think Rory deserved what she got from Jess!
Heavenly Father sure loves you!!! that is so cool about the check!!!
I love you sooo much, things will get better. An S corporation whew!!!! Being an accountants wife, I do know what that is!
I meant genius!!!
Oh my sweet danyelli. I am so sorry that this is so stressful. I'm sorry you don't know what to do and how to do it and you have so many questions and feel stupid. Believe what they say when they tell you they don't expect you to know everything on teh first day. You need to have faith in them that they are telling you the truth. You will get it eventually. I am sure there are other things in your life that you didn't think you were capable of but had to do it anyway- and found that eventually you could do it. This is another one of those times. When this is over- you will look back on this time and laugh and say, "it's funny to think I didn't know how to do such and such," because it will become such an easy thing for you to do eventually. I am so proud of you that you are doing this. You are really courageous and brave. I wouldn't have the guts to do an intern. It would scare me, and I would be really unconfident, and I wouldn't even know how to get an intern. It's so impressive that you even knew how to do all of it. Setting it all up. Danielle, you will be graduating a few months after me :) I will be 24 by then, and you will be 21? With an intern under your belt! That is so amazing. And you are really righteous so heavenly father is going to help you. Danielle, we all tell you we think you are so smart, and amazing. Well, we do think that. And you are. However, that doesn't mean that we think you never get scared, or nervous, or mess up, or fail. We know you are human. We know that there must be things you need to work on that are your weaknesses, but we don't see those things, and we dont' care about those things. We see all the good things about you. I bet you think, "if only they knew what I was thinking, or did, or said about so and so, or that i haven't read my scrips in weeks or" .... we don't care about that, we still think you are amazing. If you get fired, and flunk out of college or whatever it doesn't change what we think. And it's not because we "think you are amazing nomatter what you do!!!" There are things about you that are amazing, those things will always be amazing, so whatever weaknesses you have doesn't change your strengths. We know you are human. We love you so much, and we know you can do this! I feel so bad for you that you have to work so many hours. Yowsa. And the driving, adn the snow. Uhhhh. I'm so sorry. THankgoodness for Gilmore girls at lunch, and American idol at night! American Idol will get you through this. I love you! and the check- awesome!!!!!!!! See what I mean about teh amazing factor- you are special. You impressed a stranger to write you a 50 dollar check! Yowsa! That is so awesome. hey you never told us where you went on your date? what are y;ou going to buy with the new mula???
I too know what an s corporation is and believe me it is hard and a lot of companies are different and do things differently. So just hang in there, I was an office mgr. once and I thought I'd never get it. It takes time and a lot of patience with yourself. It will get easier and you will get it. I did all of the planing mill's cost accounting and it was a really hard job, I never loved it but I was able to do it all after awhile. You are bright, and Heavenly Father loves you and He doesn't expect you to be perfect in a day. So don't beat yourself up so hard. After a few days the questions will be less and things will make a lot more sense to you. You will begin to remember more and it won't be so hard. It was Lincoln that said "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing". I love you sooooo much God Bless and Keep you safe on the road. I also know what a white out is I saw a few in Alaska when we lived there for 2years. Grandma
It's always so hard to start something new...I know that you'll be great at it when you get the hang of it. And like you said, when the new girl comes, she will be the same way, and you'll be able to show her the ropes! Even if you want to be a stay at home mom and not work, this internship will be beneficial to you. It may not seem like it now, but it's a great experience and you'll be so glad that you did it.
I hope it gets better, and that story about the 50.00 check is so awesome! What a nice lady!
Just wanted you to know that I know you will figure out the new job. It is always frustrating when you are learing a new job but you have what it takes to do so. Love having you over for lunch. I thought the new temple was so beautiful and am looking forward to doing a session with you when it opens. Have a great day. love you. bye now.
Oh Danielle, I love you. It has to get better. Do you have anywhere to go but up? Remember you can always pray, all day, anytime, anywhere. I prayed more in my college days than the rest of my life put together. You know the verse about having a constant prayer in your heart? Well at a point in preparing for my sophomore recital, I prayed every waking moment of the day. And it is the only thing that got me through it. I prayed over every measure, note, phrase. I also found certain scriptures that seemed to apply to my situation, and I read them over and over again. One was about dedicating your performance to the Lord. College, and everything that comes with it is so hard. But it will make you stronger, and even if you never do work, you can always look back on this and say, well I did that internship, so I can do this too. Think of a hard time in your life that you survived, and then say, I did that, I can do this too. I love you. You will succeed. I have no doubt. You are an Arnold. We all rock, and are totally awesome. That was a great story too. If it was my money, 10 yrs ago, or now, we would go out to dinner and blow it all. Darin and I have wasted thousands of dollars on eating out. We love it. Love you so much. We need to have you guys over to dinner soon.
I know I said I wasn't going to blog, but the kids are asleep and I wanted to see how you were doing. I love you so much Danielle. It'll all be over soon. I feel so bad for you though. I'm glad you were safe in the "white out". I am so happy for you that the gilmore girls will be on during your lunch break. I bet that will really help. And SOON you will live down here and you can have babies and we can bake all day long together if you want while gilmore girls is playing in the background.
The 50 dollars from the lady? Wow. You guys remind me so much of Shad and I at that stage in our marriage. I remember money would just come out of the blue sometimes. What a nice lady. It makes me want to be like that.
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