I decided I didn't want to post yesterday because I had no good news. Are you thinking, "Oh, but you started your internship yesterday..." That's right. I decided I could post today because I'm not HORRIBLY stressed, as I was yesterday. Though...I am still a little stressed.
So on Sunday night I had Clay give me a priesthood blessing and it was very nice. I slept very well and woke up when my alarm clock went off and everything. I was way nervous, but still excited. I get there and Blake, an accountant there, immediately shows me to my work area downstairs. He shows me to my desk and Berny, a fellow intern who has been there a week already, follows and sits at his desk. He starts showing me some programs on the computer and then Jamie comes downstairs, another accountant, and says she'll show me around upstairs. WELL, she shows me the filing room of last years returns that are color coded and tells me to find a certain company. I quickly find it and she gives me a balance sheet and a profit and loss statement and says, you will work on this today. YEP! They just threw me RIGHT IN the frying pan to sizzle and BURN. They kept saying, the only way to learn this is if you just do it. You won't remember anything we tell you unless you try doing it yourself and then ask questions. So I started doing it and it is hard and confusing and I feel like an idiot and ask many questions many of them the same ones over again and I just was really stressed. Then they gave me another tax return. Oh yeah, and these aren't just like individuals tax returns, I know a lot of you probably don't even know some of the lingo but my first tax return I was doing was an S-CORPORATION. I just was really stressed. Then I came home and when Clay got home I ran to the bed and stuffed my head in the matress and said, "I don't want to be busy anymore", and started bawling. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad for me. I'm just being honest. You all think I'm so amazing for some reason, but the truth is, I feel sooooo not smart and not fast. I cried to Clay and then Mom called and I cried to her. Then this morning when I was getting ready, the wind was blowing REALLY REALLY hard outside. Well, I of course am a little nervous. Then Patty called and said that Paul's coworkers drive the same road I drive and they said that the roads were HORRIBLE. White-outs everywhere. I think to myself, "what's a white out?" I don't ask though because I already understand that it just isn't something I want to be in, even if I don't know what it is. She said that roads were closing and I should be really careful and leave early. Well, of course. I start crying and crying. Clay came out because he was sleeping but he could hear me and I told him and we decided I'd just go slow. Well I think Heavenly Father just blessed me or something because the wind really wasn't that bad, but I now understand the term: "white out". My goodness. Just imagine driving around 60mph and all of a sudden not being able to see a thing. It came SO suddenly. It happened probably 3 times just quickly. I was just driving and all was normal and then suddenly everything is white and you can't quite see the road or anything infront of you either. I was fine, it was just really tense and scary. Well, I got there fine and safely. Today was better. I just kept asking the same questions and Kent(he is like the head guy there I think) and Jamie kept saying, "calm down, we aren't expecting you to know what you're doing...you've only been here a day!" Those types of things. I just keep feeling like I'm going too slow or I'm just an idiot for asking certain questions. They talk really fast and I just can't always keep up. UGH. But, it was better and I didn't come home crying. Really it is just stressful and I have decided that I am definitely not a working . Some of you may judge that, but I tell you- I am not cut out for it. I come home and am exhausted. Do you realize I am away 10 hours a day? I work 8-5, which is 9 hours with a 1 hour lunch break, and drive over 30 minutes there and back. It stinks. I am so tired and don't feel like doing ANYTHING. I it. Thank goodness I was able to get our dishes done today. I don't know how some people do what they do. I just wish I could stay home and clean, cook, read, BAKE, and maybe a little sewing. The good news is, the days go by pretty fast. I think it will just keep getting that way the busier I get. The wierd part is, they literally put me straight to work without really giving me any office rules, employee tax forms, dress code...all they told me was to keep track of my hours and to take a lunch from 12-1. I to complain but I just wish I didn't have to do an internship. I don't want to work and I just want to graduate and I am already sick of my job after 2 days! Who knows, maybe it will get better...but I just can't see that happening. I have no idea when I'm going to get over this learning curve and start GETTING things. I'm just sick of staring at the same thing on my computer for like 3 hours not understanding what I'm doing! Asking, getting a vague answer, and still not getting it! And they keep telling me that if 50 different accountants were given the same return to do they'd get 50 different answers. Whatever. It also doesn't help that one of the programs on my computer that they say I ALWAYS need to have up, DOESN'T WORK! They think it will work by tomorrow. Ugh. I am so negative. I just keep trying to tell myself that this is only 3 months long, and even if I'm the worst intern ever, that's OKAY. I'll still live on and have a good life. I just feel like I'm never going to get the hang of it.
On a lighter note. Let me tell you a little story! We went to a friends reception the other night and sat by this older lady and her husband. Well, she started talking to us and asked where I was from and I said from the Oregon Coast. She says she's been everywhere so where exactly am I from. I told her, Yachats. She says, "Really!? My brother lives there and we've been visiting him for nearly 20 years! That's a lovely place!" So we talk about the branch and the add-on to the building and so forth. We chatted about some other things as well. Well, yesterday I was at Clay's parents house and Patty said, "that lady you sat by at the reception, remember? Well you must've given a good impression. She left this for you, I don't know what's in it"...so I opened it and it was an anniversary card. Well, she said that she was glad to hear I was from Yachats and that Clay was always in her prayers while he was on his mission even though she didn't know him....'i figured you'd have an anniversary coming up and it's always nice to get a late wedding gift' there was a check for $50.00! Can you believe that! I told patty, "Well geez, I'm sure glad we decided to sit by her that night!" ha! I'm way happy. Who knows what I'll spend it on!
One bit of good news. I decided I'm going to go to Clay's parents house everyday for lunch since I have an hour. I definitely think it'd be good to get out of the office for an hour and I think it makes the day go by faster. Anyway, I realized today that Gilmore s is on ABCFamily from 12-1! My exact lunch break! How blessed am I?!?! Way blessed. Today was the first episode of the 3rd season...possibly my favorite season! How lovely. Also, how sad. I still get excited to watch gilmore s reruns, on TV after I've seen them all 500 times. I really don't know how many times i've seen each season. MANY times. I know that much. They never get old. They just keep makin me feel good:)
Well........that'll be all I guess. I just figured some of you might be wondering how my internship is going since I have been talking of it nonstop these days. I hope it gets better...it probably will. Another intern is coming next week. If she doesn't know a lot, good...I will feel better about myself. If she knows a lot, good as well...I can ask her lots of questions without feeling as stupid. Alright, love you all. Buh bye.