Today sucks so bad

Well today started just fine. I went to bed around 3:30 am after going and taking a nap while watching the Hobbit at the midnight premeire. I woke up before my alarm clock even went off for work...got up, got ready, read a talk from conference since I had time, and headed to work. The talk I read was called "First observe, Then Serve". It talked about how we need to be like Christ and observe individuals and see their needs and serve them. Christ served others one by one. Individually. That's how we should serve. 

Work was slow and then my boss came in and told me to look on Yahoo and there had been a shooting. 

I read and watched the news as I realized some sick sick soul had shot and killed 27 people including 18 children. 

They weren't my children, they weren't children I even know. But it hurt really really bad. I immediately thought of my nieces and nephews. I thought about the parents and the horrible fear they must be feeling. I thought of those poor children who have all lost their innocence so quickly. I thought of the husbands and wives of the teachers, the kids of the teachers, everyone in that town. I thought of the primary children I taught in primary, I just couldn't stop thinking. 

So I tried really really hard to keep my tears in until my lunch break.

I called my mom right away because when I'm really really emotional, she always knows what to say. I started saying, "I just don't understand why he had to attack an elementary school..." when I saw flashing lights behind me. I haven't been pulled over since our first year of marriage, like...6 years ago! 

I pulled over and the cop said, "I clocked you at 32, license and registration"...I said, "Really?" and I gave him my license and registration. He goes and sits in his car for what feels like an eternity and comes back with a ticket for $156.

Now, if he had said something like- "Were you aware you were going this fast? Were you in a hurry?" etc, like some cops have done...I probably would've burst into tears saying, "Honestly I just found out about the shooting in that elementary school and I was so distracted I guess I wasn't paying enough attention. I know I was going under the regular speed limit...but I guess I was a bit shook up and distracted" But he didn't even give me a second of his time. 

So...incase you didn't figure it out, I was in a school zone. So technically I was 12 over...but I was also 3 under the regular speed limit. It wasn't like I was some reckless person. Whatever. 

Anyway, after he walked away I literally started BAWLING my eyes out. Uncontrollable. So I waited till I got home (by the way it's not illegal to talk on phone while driving in Idaho), and called my mom and cried to her and she made me feel better.

Sigh...the world is really confusing for me. But I will just try to be nicer and kinder and more loving to everyone I come in contact with. And maybe my small contribution to society will make some sort of a difference. Just like the talk I read this morning...maybe if we all strive to be more aware of each individual and observe their needs and then act on the observation and serve and help them, people will feel more loved and have more support, and then maybe less bad things would happen. A girl can dream.