Today at church I was sitting on the same row of perhaps the most darling family in our ward. There are 6 kids...ranging from 0 years old to 12 years old. Dad is Bishop, the kids are all sooo reverent and sweet. The little boy that was closest to me, he's about 6...he kept glancing over at me and smiling:) The mom's brothers and dad were visiting today and she kept looking back at them and smiling, and she was so happy. I could tell. And I seriously almost started bawling! I missed my family so much. We have 6 kids in our family...with a 12 year range. And we love eachother so much. And all I could do as I was sitting by myself a few feet away from this family was tell myself, "Thank goodness I am seeing them in 5 days." If I weren't, I probably would've started bawling! I dunno...maybe it's because I know I'm seeing them so soon I'm taking my guard down as far as missing them goes...who knows. I just am so freaking excited for Thursday, when I get to fly to Sandiego, have my pretty pregnant sister Amy pick me up from the airport, and see my brother and all my sisters the next day. And my parents! YAY!!!!!
Back to the family I was sitting next to. All I could think throughout sacrament was, "You are so lucky". I would just watch the mother and I know she struggles. I mean...she has 2 kids under the age of 2...and 4 other kids...and her husband is bishop...and really I am sure she has a hard time sometimes...but I couldn't stop thinking how lucky she was.
I have Lyme Disease. And I am constantly having to convince myself to accept it. I don't know why the acceptance doesn't stick. I get waves...where I'm great and have a mindset like, "Oh I'm going to become a CPA and life will be great and I will just focus on that and I can sew and blog and decorate and do whatever I want." And that can stick for a bit. But then I realize what I actually want...and then the wave changes...into a wave of self-pity. I feel so sorry for myself. I get that womanly ache for motherhood. And then I get into this warrior stage...where I'm like- I AM GOING TO KICK THE CRAP OUT OF THIS LYME DISEASE! I will do everything right! I will never eat sugar/gluten EVER AGAIN! I will be PERFECT at this treatment, and I will get better so quick! And you'd think that'd be easy...but then all of a sudden I go into self-pity mode again where I'm like..."I'm depressed, I deserve a cookie." Even though that completely contradicts everything. And then I go back into acceptance. And it all starts over again. But, the fight continues on and I WILL continue fighting. I AM a Lyme Warrior. That never changes. It's just my level of vigor I suppose.
Today I cut my finger with scissors. Seriously...I don't know how it happened...but I was cutting a package of pecans open and all of a sudden I was cutting my finger. It hurt. And it still hurts! I seriously think I'm getting clumsier or whatever by the day. In the past 3 months I think I've gotten 3 permanent scars. Most of them from burning. And they are all different kinds. Iron, hot almond roca, I have a scar on my LEG from getting a pan out of the oven. I still try and remember how it happened...but I can't really remember. I just know it happened. And of course I am always running into things. THAT specifically is part of my Arnold nature :)
I have to tell you that sunbeams...are basically little devils. I'm sorry. It's just true. We finally decided it's time to talk to each of the parents seriously. The sad thing is, I know it wont make a difference. I've seen all of them with their parents. ALL of them get away with murder with their parents. So how are we expected to be able to get them to behave? I'm not joking- most of the sunbeams in our class, I have seen them with their parents...and their parents let them do whatever they want. And they don't discipline. I hope so badly I have fresh in my mind this class when I'm raising my children. I do NOT want them to give their primary teachers hell. It's basically torture. I have a teaching partner, and she has been teaching sunbeams for years. She said that she has had 4 teachers ask to be released, and that 2 of them were mothers of one of the children in the class! She is a saint.
Tomorrow is Memorial Day. I'm pretty happy because that means no work. But, it also means lots of studying. Boo.
I'm very grateful I live in this country. Even though the leaders anger me sometimes, and even though there's a lot of wrong...I still feel it's the most right. I love the USA. I'm so happy I'm American. There are still a LOT of good people in this country.
Well, I guess that's all for today. In case you were wondering, Idaho is stickin pretty much in the 38-58 degree range these days. SoCal HERE I COME! Yessssssssssssss!!!