I have to admit, that through this trial of Lyme Disease, I have had the thought come to me, "Maybe I am being punished...I should've been a better person....If only I was more perfect." These thoughts aren't constant companions, but in my weak moments...they pop up.
I think the biggest trial for me right now, is having a constant companion of fear...that this disease is never going away. It can get wearing and it's easy to think, is this my life forever? Well, I know it's not. This is but a small moment, and it WILL get better.
I was reading this talk by Elder Eyring. It's called "Mountains to Climb". It was so good! I was reading it because in Young Women's today we are talking about why we have adversity, and that is one of the talks in the lesson. It was so good! I recommend reading it.
While reading, I was reminded that trials are NOT punishments. Yes, certain actions can result in negative consequences, but that is just the law of cause and effect. When I get a trial, like Lyme Disease, it's not because I did something wrong, or that Heavenly Father is punishing me. The fact is, we all have trials of different natures, and they all affect us differently. In fact, I could get the same exact trial as you- but it could be a totally different trial for me because of my life experiences, my body, my brain, etc. That's why it's so important not to judge how others react to their trials, or how they handle them.
I've been reminded a lot lately that the whole point of being a good person, reading scriptures, praying, is so that you can be firmly planted, strong, immovable, when the inevitable storm happens. Because ALL of us face storms. The nature of life is to test us. So the commandments, the talks, the advice from church leaders, all of them aren't to say, "If you do this, your life will be perfect!" It's to say, "If you do this, you will better handle it." It's just the truth. I've come to realize, the less I nourish my soul, the less I focus on good, and God, the less I'm able to handle my trials. I find myself constantly drowning in self-pity, and BARELY keeping it together.
Then...when I turn around and start feeding my spirit, and partaking of the goodness that is on this earth for this very purpose, suddenly life is happier. Life is easier. It is not so heavy. I can handle it.
I'm so grateful that I have that knowledge. I may have to keep relearning it through my life, but at least I keep coming back to it.
God is good...and life is good. Life is HARD. But if I pray, search the scriptures, and have FAITH, it can be good!
Ta ta for now!