Okay...so this is like the third post I've tried to write lately...and all of them are so depressing I just never post them. Here is the truth:
I miss Oregon.
I am so stinking baby hungry it hurts.
I feel extremely bad for myself that I have Lyme.
I am watching too much TV...like HOURS of it.
I have like...7 mountainous zits on my chin. NOT an exaggeration. and NOT the only zits on my face.
I am on my period.
And seriously I could probably just go on and on and on with things to complain about since I'm just in that mood! I mean seriously- could I get any more pathetic? Probably. I guess at least I haven't started doing drugs or drinking :) And I haven't caved on my diet. So you know...THAT is success people.
Oh dear. Well, the truth is, I'm feeling like it's all going to be moving up here soon. I am going to start doing this thing...where I have a checklist of daily things. Basically a checklist of fruits/veggies, water, pills, scriptures, exercise, yoga, no-tv me time, and clean kitchen. I plan on making a fancy little thing to print off and put on my fridge so that it's motivating and I can like physically CHECK OFF these things. I'm a type of person that feel so accomplished with lists. I'll post it when I make it.
I think it will help balance out my life. I hope.
The sad thing is, my life could be so much worse. I feel awful. My brother-in-law went to Africa a while back and I saw a bunch of pictures and he talked about how like...poor and hard working CHILDREN are over there...carrying these huge bundles on their backs. Ugh. I have a freaking house, cars, bikes, computers, phones, clothes, FOOD, water, a doctor to treat my illness, and the list goes on. My life is really luxurious if you think about it. So anyway...time to stop having a pity party. Time to start enjoying my wonderful life.
7 comments:
don't be down on yourself for being down on yourself! Life is hard and just because it isn't as hard as others doesn't mean it isn't still hard. You're going through a lot and I think it's perfectly okay to have down days. You're a great person and you do great things just by being open and sharing your story. Chin up or chin down and we all love you just the same.
I think it is good to write all that down and share it. It is very therapeutic, and we need to do that as people and especially women. And even though there will always be people with worse situations, it doesn't change how hard our trial is for us. I think you are amazing. For having lyme you do a lot. I know you aren't perfect none of us are, but you are dang good! I'm glad you put our website out there, I was going to email everyone, I love it so much! love you!!!!
Oh,Danielle I totally get it. I am so pathetic without my kids and you never have kids. You have work and and that occupies your time. But that is no fun. I'm so sorry. Someday you'll have kids and you will be an awesome mom. I love you.
Oh my gosh. I have almost called you many times and now realize I should have. We could've had a pity party everyday together. That is how my life has been the last 2 weeks! ALL I DO IS COMPLAIN AND FEEL CRAPPY ABOUT MY DAILY LIFE!!!! But I'm not gonna talk about it 'cause I know I'm really blessed too.
But FOR REALS Dan, everyone has their moments and life gets overwhelming sometimes. It's ok to break down and feel like crap sometimes, because you ARE dealing with a lot of crap- like nonstop. And the TV, man- today is the first day I didn't watch any tv and I had a miraculous day. Really, it was the best day I've had all month- for sure. So don't watch tv tomorrow- read the scripts and I suppose you're eating good food- I wasn't doing that at all. I love you. I hope you have a good day tomorrow. Call me and whine ANYTIME. Really, it won't bug me. I'm sorry about your face! My acne used to stress me out SO MUCH and then for years my scars embarrassed me SO MUCH and constantly. But now I don't care at all- but it used to be a major stress/concern. And the babies- don't even get me started. I can't imagine the feelings YOU are feeling. I feel like so many of our pains have been along the same strain- but yours way more INTENSE and EXTENDED, so I don't know how you're keeping it together. You're doing great! Really, I get more impressed with you everyday. I think you're amazing and I've been meaning to write you a big THANK YOU because everything good I'm doing for Scarlet right now is because of YOU and you NOT GIVING UP and your constant RESEARCH and finding and perfecting recipes. I am mooching so much from your HARD CONSTANT WORK and I'm giving you nothing in return. Really, I will forever be in your debt. You probably don't realize this, but I am. Just remember where you've been and keep looking at where you're going. You'll get there! This will all be in the past! Just a bad memory that has made you who you are- which is INCREDIBLE!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
oh danyelli. I'm so sorry. I feel so bad that we haven't talked at all this week. it wasn't because I didn't want to, it has been a busy week (I'll tell you why later :) I am so sorry life has been so sad lately, and it isn't pathetic to have bad days, and feel bad about life. Life is hard, even if we have houses, and income, and all the wonderful things we have. And I think it's good to vent it out. It's like getting out all the bad toxins when we sweat from excersizing- when you vent, it gets out all the bad feelings inside of you. I feel like it's a good thing. I'm just so sorry you feel so bad and wish that I could make you feel better. I love you.
also- i've made some major life changes this week and it's all because of you. You are just so goal oriented, and "do it" attitude, so I decided to go for it- and i made some major health changes this week. i'll blog or chat with you about it later- love you!
It's crazy when you have those moments or days or phases where you're just so negative about things. And I don't mean you I just mean people in general. :) I get like that sometimes and seriously every bad thing that has ever happened to me in my life comes back and all I can focus on is what's wrong. Then I feel guilty because I think about all I have like food, a house, family and stuff like that. But you will get out of it. You will get out of the phase. And anyway, don't feel bad. Don't feel like you are being negative when you've got it easy because you do have trials and you are being really amazing and positive about it. You are so amazing and I admire you so much for all you do. I love you!
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