Sunday, May 13, 2012

Motherhood

 I think if you are lucky, which a lot of people are, you are one of those people that say, "My mom is the best mom in the whole world, no seriously- she is". I'm one of those lucky ones! I literally can't imagine a better mom- for me at least. It's so true what they say that you don't realize how much your mom does for you until you are away from her! I was lucky in that through my high school years, my mom was my very best friend. I never had too much luck with girlfriends. I had a couple that were good friends, but not really true best friends. Come to the rescue- mom! We shopped together, talked together, watched movies and tv together, planned my future together, every memory of my life before I moved away has my mom in it. Even when I moved away, that first semester. I remember after my first class I was terrified, and I called my mom. She helped me through it, which now I realize must have been very hard since she probably wanted to tell me, "Oh you know what, you probably were too young to go, come home!" My mom taught me so many things in my life- really, I feel like she shaped me to be the woman I am today- but I feel like the most important, amazing, wonderful lesson that she has taught me...starting from when I was so young...was her love of Christ. I don't even remember huge talks or testimonies she shared with me...I just know I can always picture her reading her scriptures, kneeling on the floor praying, and ALWAYS without fail having faith that the Lord has a plan and it might be hard, but He will help us through this life. She still teaches me these things. I have never EVER personally known someone with more faith than my mom. It makes me happy when she comes to me with problems (rare) and I can say to her, "did you pray about it?" or remind her of all the things she taught me. She says I am so wise, but the truth is- I am just teaching her what she's taught me. My mom ALWAYS has my back. Always. And I love her so much for it.

When I got married, I'd heard horror stories of "in-laws", so I was pretty nervous. Honestly, my most important fear was that my husband's mom wouldn't like me. Add to that my husband is the oldest, and only son in the family...I felt a lot of pressure. When I first met Patty, I was so intimidated. I literally wondered if she was perfect. She volunteered at the schools, volunteered at the Red Cross, read a billion books a day, knitted socks and hats, made a wonderful dinner, had an impeccably clean house, and seemed to be always serving others whether it be in her calling, her family, or just random people. I thought, "how am I ever going to live up to this woman?!". After some time getting to know her and being around Clay's family a lot...I realized that I had a second family. Things were comfortable, and I could see that they saw me as a family member. Not an in-law, but a daughter. When Clay and I were dating, not even engaged! She got me a birthday present, and an easter basket. I think the best gift Patty has ever given me is her acceptance of me into her family as I am, and unconditional love. If Clay and I are in an argument, she is way more likely to take my side and say, "Son, listen to your wife". She understands me in ways others don't and comforts me when I am discouraged and aching for motherhood, as she had to wait a long time herself. She understands how important my sisters are to me and asks me about them often...she sent Amy a care package when she had cancer, which she probably wont ever know how much that meant to me. She is so full of love and kindness and I love her so much for it! 

 I always tell people that I loved being the youngest growing up because I observed all my siblings and noted their mistakes and didn't make them. haha. But what I don't think they realize is that I am so grateful to be the youngest so I can learn their strenths too. My sisters are all amazing mothers and I've learned and continue to learn from each of them. Rebecca has taught me how cool learning and teaching can be with your kids. She teaches her kids so many things and it doesn't even seem like teaching. Lizzie to me is the ultimate example of patience...finding alternative ways to tell a child they are doing something wrong than getting upset with them. Megan has taught me to enjoy the present, and not let outsiders let you feel bad about spending your day playing with your child. Even if that means nothing else got done. Amy is the newbie mommy right now :) And I think that she has taught me patience for myself. Amy too, had health issues, had to wait, and watching her has helped me realize that I too will have my turn and it will be so worth it. They all continue to teach me things, and I am so grateful for their good examples.

Can't you see why I'm so excited to be a mom now? 

Last night I was thinking...if I could be anything in the whole world what would it be? And I seriously couldn't think of anything that I wanted more than to be a mother. There was some point in time that all of a sudden I felt like something/someone was missing. I had some sort of clarity that I have children, and that they just haven't come to me yet. I am a mother, I just don't have the physical proof of it yet. This is what keeps me going and fighting. If I am doing Zumba, and I feel tired or achey or worn...I try to imagine my children and it gives me a boost. They aren't here in my arms yet, but they help me in this life so much. They motivate me to keep fighting for my health and working hard to get them here. I already love them so much...and I can barely stand it waiting for them. People say that once you have kids, they take over your life. That's it, no going back. Isn't that kind of the point? That's exactly what I want. I've lived the life of self-centered only about me. It's not as glamorous and wonderful as people make it out to be. My children are already the center of my life. I think of them EVERY day. All the time. I miss them, I love them, and sometime soon hopefully, they'll start coming to join me in this crazy life :)

Happy Mothers Day!

11 comments:

Courtenay Beth said...

Loved this post Danielle, Happy mothers Day to you, I was touched so much by your hopeful, anticipating excitement for your children who haven't joined you here on Earth yet, and that they have become your motivation to get well, and be whole, and bring them here. Love you.

Kayleen said...

So sweet! You will be a wonderful mother. It is beautiful that you recognize such great things in the woman close to you and that you can learn and grow from them. happy mother's day!!

Kayleen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Camisetta said...

I always get so excited when I see you have blogged. It is always so well-written, and I love your sense of humor! I am so excited for you in your life. And I'm so grateful for you! Hard for me to believe what you wrote about not making many friends... you were my first in IF!

Megan and Greg said...

That was a really nice post. I never realized you and Mom were so close. Patty's gifts before you were engaged, that's just like Greg's parents. They're so that way. I'm glad you realize you're already a mother. It's so true. It took me awhile to realize until Scarlet came, (sort of like marriage) once it was there, it was like, "This was always a part of the plan, it was never not going to happen, it just happened now, instead of then. And if it happened 5 years from now, my life with them would still be the same." I'm not less of her mother because I had her when I was 28 and not 22. I'm not lacking in life because I married Greg at 23 and not 20 (not such a difference there, but it felt like an eternity then). It's all the same, it just comes when it comes. And looking back, it all came at a good time and would've been so much harder if BOTH things came earlier. I would've married someone else if I married younger, 'cause Greg was on his mission and younger than me. And the older I got, the more prepared I was and better wife/mother I am because of it. I know that one for sure. I'm not perfect, but I like to think I have avoided a lot of mistakes and selfishness because of where I am NOW and not when I was younger. I don't think you have those problems, you are way more mature than me. Atleast more mature than when I was your age. ANYWAY. I love you, and I'm glad you realize your time will come. It will and it will be good. And I just know it will be amazing when it happens and it will so have been worth the wait. I love you. Happy Mothers Day.

AMY AND MIKEY said...

Danielle this was so sweet. I love you so much.

Sharon/Mom/ Grandma said...

WoW! I am so touched and humbled. I love you so much and am grateful for that beautiful tribute. I think mom's always need to hear things like that. I was reminded of the amazing writer you are. You have such a beautiful clear way of expressing yourself. My blessing says to not envy (actually it says to overcome it! :-) ) so I won't envy you that, I will rejoice in your gift. I look forward to your sweet little babies too! You will be a great mom, and they will be blessed to have you! I love you soooo much!

Grandma, Nonnie said...

What a wonderful tribute to your mom, Patty and your sisters. You are so right, they are waiting in the wings and will be here soon, Heavenly Father will send them and you will have the physical proof. A wonderful post and it is all so true and you put it beautifully! I love you so much Happy Mother's Day and God Bless. Hugs

Jenni said...

What a beautiful post Danielle. And I agree with every word. Your mom and your sisters and YOU are very inspiring people. I'm so thankful you love your mother in law- what a blessing. And I totally agree with that last paragraph too... when people say to me "has having a baby just changed your life" or "Do you ever sleep" or "do you miss going out". I Just think... this is what I signed up for, and I'm so thankful for it. ANd I don't miss my old life, I love my new life. You are going to be a truly fabulous mom. Love you!

katy said...

That was a great post. Your mom does seem so great. My mom said that she calls you girls at least once a day. I think that is so sweet. It must make you feel really loved. She is like super mom. Flying all around to be there for you guys. I love the pics. You are so cute in that last one. Oh and I am so happy you are kicking lymes butt. What great news.

Aliese the Writer said...

Oh, that was so beautiful, Danielle. I'm so inspired to have an aunt like you. You are so amazing to realize that you have children and are a mother now, but that they just haven't come to you, yet. You are so incredibly inspiring. I love you so much. :)