I think that my big lesson I need to learn in this life is Patience.
Seattle sucked. I mean...it was good...we found more answers...but the answers are what sucked.
Clay is way sicker than we realized.
I'm way sicker than we realized.
Parasites that probably some of you have, and your bodies can handle, kind of have taken over our bodies cause we are already so sick. This can be taken care of with time and the right medicine, but it just complicates the whole Lyme treatment.
Doctor thinks that with this new revelation of how sick we really are, we probably shouldn't think of having kids for 3 years unless some miracle happens and we are better so much quicker.
So...not that I want kids because of other people...but...probably by the time I'm thinking of getting pregnant, my friends and sisters will have at least 1 if not 2 more kids! Clay and I will have been married like...8 years.
A couple weeks ago at church I had to leave after sacrament cause I felt so nauseous (I think a reaction from our iv treatment the day before) and so I told my Primary president so they could get someone to cover my class. Of course, later she asked if I'm pregnant. This is probably something I'll just have to get used to for the next 3 years. Don't get me wrong...I'm grateful at the same time. I mean...can you imagine if we did have a kid? With Lyme Disease? While we are in the shape we are right now? Probably a bad idea. There are people with multiple kids that have Lyme, along with themselves. I honestly don't know how they do it. There MUST be angels living in their home. I can barely handle me and Clay.
I think I need to post more pictures of myself up here. hah! Talk about boosting my spirits! Thanks to everyone who was so nice about my pants-alteration dealio.
There's obviously so much more details about our health that I don't mention on the blog. But it's just boring. And depressing. Seriously parasites are just part of the complicated equation. Oh well. I know this is all depressing and everything but I kinda just need to get it off my chest...and maybe it'll explain why I haven't really commented the past few days on anyone's blog! I already knew that we were looking at around 2 years for having a baby...but I don't know I guess I was just all hopeful that we would get better faster than she thought...but then we go and she adds another year to it and tells us how bad of shape we are. I just need a bit to accept it I guess.
PLEASE- don't tell me how young I am. I already know that. I know it's a blessing. I know I will still be in baby-making age...so no need to tell me that. The thing is, I want babies now. I don't just want...i ACHE for them. So you know...telling me how young I am doesn't really do much anymore. And I know that 3 years is so short. And I know that when I look at my entire life, this is such a short time. That in 5 years I will probably have a baby and look back and think, oh if only I knew it would all work out for the best. I know, I have faith in the Lord's plan and I know that this will all work out just fine. That's why I say I just need time to accept it and move on. It's just this immediate after-fact reaction that I'm dealing with.
On a lighter note, a week from today is tax day. What a relief. Have you gotten your taxes done?
Another thing- Pia got kicked off. Which everyone's freaking about. But honestly? Clay and I talked about this...the next day after Idol, did anyone think of Pia's performance? I sure didn't. I always forgot about it. She's amazing- one of the best singers for sure...but boring. But, I still wish Stefano or Jacob went home instead. I had a dream that Haley was in the top 2! Which I would LOVE! Her and Casey are my fav's.
Okedoke...till next time. I promise the next post will be happier.
16 comments:
Sorry, Dan. I would feel totally the same. I was realizing the other day, that it doesn't matter how young you are- we've been married the same amount of time and basically have been wanting babies the same amount of time and I would be dying inside if I still were having to wait. I'm sorry. I wish I lived closer and could make you food or something. Have you eaten your granola? Do you want any more? What about the fruit roll ups?
:( Wanting to have kids when you can't is not fun at all- that and having people ask you if you are pregnant all the time because you are sick (mine was just from meds though). I really hope you start to feel better. You are in my thoughts!
I will not tell you how young you are. When Curtis and I tried for a couple years before getting pregnant I was really upset and scared. I always wanted to be a young mom and have my kids young. I can't imagine how you must be feeling with all of the what ifs. I read this thing once about a Mom and Dad that had Lyme Disease that didn't find out until after they had their kids and then their kids had kids. Their entire family had it: inlaws, kids, and grand kids. I think you guys are so strong and I think it is great that you are being so careful. I really think a lot of people aren't as mindful as you and Clay. I wish they educated people more about it in school and stuff. I mean it can be an STD and nobody talks about it. I really admire you for sharing on your blog. You have probably already helped out a lot of people now and will help people in the future just because you are educating people and opening peoples eyes to it. Hang in there. I have been slacking on my prayers lately and forgetting people but I promise to start praying for you and Clay again. I hate when I stop praying for people that could really use it. Sometimes I feel like that is the only way to help.
1st of all, Seriously- get rid of JACOB!!! He is a disgrace!
But mostly what I want to say is that we're praying for you, Danielle. I'm so sorry that you guys have to go through this. I'll tell you one thing though, you've shown some serious courage throughout this whole thing. Keep us posted. And I'm still hoping for that amazing, fast recovery :)
I'm so so sorry. Anything else I could say probably wouldn't help your pain any. I hope you find a miracle.
Oh yeah, don't worry about blogging sad things. Just blog your life! That's the point, right? Do you mind when others are sad? No, it's like a relief to REALLY know how they are feeling and see their life for what it is. I mean, your blog made me really sad, but I want to know how you are for REAL. I'd rather hear the sad truth than nothing at all. And if you're not keeping a journal, it's good to write things down, even if they're not happy. It's therapeutic and I like looking back on hard times, once I'm passed them. I look back and go, "Oh man, that was such a bad day/time/whatever" but I know it's over and I pulled through. ANYWAY! I love you. I blogged by the way. I didn't tell anyone, 'cause there aren't any pics. Love you!
What Megan said was good. She is very wise sometimes. I was ready for pia to go. I'm still not liking Haley, with you on Casey, I think he is amazing and truly gifted. I said to your dad, Pia is really pretty and has a good voice, but it's nothing new. Well, I love you !!!!
So, So sorry to hear all of this! Grrr for sickness!!! We are praying for you and Clay! I really hope that things start looking up! You are right, you do have a lot to be grateful. Everyone does. But that doesn't mean that you are not able to complain and vent and let it out!Go for it! You are still so positive! I love hearing your updates and knowing how you guys are doing! It doesn't bother me at all! I miss you so much and love your stinking guts! I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad! Love you!
I'm so sorry Danielle, that must be so frustrating. You guys are lucky to have each other and I'll be praying that you can continue to get healthy so you can start having those babies you want so bad!
Oh my goodness, HOW is Jacob still on the show? Seriously?!?!?!
danielle even though are situations are different I do know exactly how to feel. I know that ache that you feel. I have had people telling me for years I am young and shouldn't worry about it. It isn't easy. I know how hard it is to keep having faith through the trials. But don't give up, keep praying for that faith if you need to, I know I do. I have to have faith that either through the miracle of fertility treatments or adoption we will get a baby soon. I will pray for you as well.
I can see how you feel like a downer all the time when you blog about you and Clays lyme disease. But really, I like reading about it because I new nothing about the disease. Your posts aren't complaining, they are educating. As much as I wish you didn't have to know/blog about Lyme disease I am glad you do. Now I tell people random facts about the disease.
Oh danyelli, I have been gone since sunday helping lizzie move into her mansion- ha. So that's why I haven't commented- I just read your blog for the first time. I am so sorry. I really do ache for you, sometimes I have to not think about you because it pains me so much. I hate that you live so fara way from family, and that there is nothing I can do for you. Once we figure out where we are financially here, hopefully I can visit you in a few months. I love you. You are so brave and wonderful. Patience was the big thing I had to focus on during cancer. It sucks. Oh danielle, I wish I coudl say something that woudl make everything better. I love you.
and nobody thinks you are complaining, we want to hear how you are doing, good adn bad. and we never are bothered by it
Oh, Danielle, I'm so sorry. I am so excited to see you next week so I can actually SMILE to try to make you feel better. I love you so much and am sorry I don't have anything more to say to make you feel better. I guess time will take care of it. I love you so much and can't wait to see you next week! :)
I'm sorry to hear about all the crap you guys are going through. It seems like you have wanted kids for so long, and I know that you will get them some day, but it totally stinks that you have to be so patient. Just think- patience is a quality that is probably one of the most divine/ God-like qualities you could want. I mean, really, patience is definitely something I would love to have more of... I just don't want to be patient enough to get it ;)
I love you sweetie, and I am so proud of you and all you have done and are doing to get rid of this terrible diease you have. It is a sad thing when the young are sick. Parasites, even the word makes me shudder, I pray for you every day, that you will have the patience to endure. I know it is a hard thing, I have been sick sometimes or trying to heal from one of the surgeries and I don't have a lot of patience either. It sometimes seems that it goes foreeeever, and you grow so tired of it all you just want to check out. I have been known to cry to our Heavenly Father and beg for help. So you just continue to blog about it and complain all you need to we love you and would do anything in our power to help you. So if it helps to write it down by all means write it and let us know how you are and what your reality is. It does help to vent and that is what life is all about. I feel so sorry that you can't have a baby now, but when you are able to you will be the best of mommies. Hugs and kisses
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