Honestly, honest

Well, my life is wonderful. I have a home. I have food. I have a family. My life is sooo much more full than so many people on this earth.

But there's this looming rain cloud that doesn't seem to want to go away. It stays above my head and just pours down on me continually. Right when I think it's clearing up, it shows up...again.

I hate Lyme Disease so much. And yes, it's taught me so much. So much patience, understanding, compassion...it's given me strength, endurance, and many other things. But it's also torn me down, worn me down, and basically ripped me to pieces.

Sunday's are real hard. I look at the babies and they are the cutest thing I've ever seen. And then I find myself crying. Right there in the dang chapel. So I go to the bathroom and wipe my eyes. Come back out and force my emotions DOWN and away so that hopefully they don't rise to my eyes.

Then there's these wonderful people who are friends but not quite good friends yet that will ask me if we ever want to have children?

I have days where I think I have no symptoms and I think, oh dear, I am about done! And then suddenly my joints are stiff, my chest is heavy, and I think...really? Is this my life forever? Thinking I'm done and then Lyme creeping back into my life whenever it wants? Am I expecting too much? Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't I have had the life where people get married, go to school, graduate, have babies, and be so tired from a lack of sleep, and ache for time to yourself because all you do is nurse and change diapers and take care of this perfect being that was trusted to you? Why couldn't that be my life?

Of course I know that everyone has trials that I don't see. No one has it that simple, and even if some people's trials look more preferable than my own...I know that this was the trial that I was meant to have. There is something I am supposed to do with this trial, people I am supposed to help, growth that needs to happen. I suppose I am just always trying to figure out what that is.

I have strong times...where I just KNOW my purpose and I KNOW Heavenly Father knows me and loves me and is aware and there are even times where I am grateful! Seriously grateful for this opportunity to grow and serve in this life. But I also have hard times where I don't know anymore and I have to reach for that knowledge I once had...that this is all but a small moment. All will be well. I must trust the Lord's timing, and endure. I will be blessed for my efforts and my trusting in the Lord.

He is real, He knows, He cares. The truth is, I know I've helped people already. I remember my sweet niece who has Lyme, who probably would suffer much more than she has to if I hadn't experienced it myself. This knowledge alone makes it worth it for me to suffer a bit with this disease in order to help others suffer a little less hopefully.

This much I know. When I am feeling lost, confused, alone, and like nobody in the entire world could possibly understand how I'm feeling...there is at least one who knows. My Savior knows. He suffered for me. He knows. And when I most need it, He is there, comforting and calming, and I know all will be well. He has taught me that this life is not all. In fact it's just barely starting, this life I am living. This life on earth is hard and a lot have it so much harder than me. It's such a comfort to know that there is so much more to look forward to after this life and it will all be worth it.

And I am so grateful to have an outlet to express myself, and hopefully, just maybe, this will comfort someone in need today. Because just talking this out made my chest feel a little lighter, and my head a little clearer.

Life is good. Life is hard. And the thing that is hard to remember, but is important, is that both can be true at the same time. Life is hard, AND life is good. I can have a bad day, but that doesn't mean my life is horrible or bad. And the truth is, this rain cloud I'm talking about...does go away. I have sunny days. I have sunny weeks even. And I need to remember that.

Life is hard. Life is good.

Almond Flour Pumpkin Bread

Want to know something that is a great Saturday morning/afternoon treat? Pumpkin bread. It goes really nicely with afternoon general conference too.

Pumpkin Bread

Recipe from Comfy Belly

Ingredients:

1/2 cup of pumpkin puree
1/2 cup of honey
2
eggs
3/4 teaspoon of baking soda
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1/2 teaspoon of ginger
2 cups of almond flour

Directions:

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Combine all the dry ingredients in a bowl, blend well, and then add the wet ingredients and blend well. Bake for 45 minutes or until the outside is brown. When it’s done, a toothpick inserted in the middle will come out clean.

Isn't this so cute?! I got this pan from my sis Rebecca when she moved (she got rid of a ton of kitchen stuff to save space...poor her...yay me!). It makes a pumpkin! So how fantastic is it to make pumpkin shaped pumpkin bread?! Pretty dang fantastic. I also made a frosting out of cream cheese and pure maple syrup to taste. I'm going to tell you something, this was heaven. I mean, I really really enjoyed it. I make my almond flour by blending almonds in my blender, and sifting them into a bowl. It works great, and talk about healthy. 

Are you watching conference? If not, you should. Even if you aren't a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (a mormon) it's still really inspirational and awesome!

Sweet BBQ Pork/Chicken

So I've done this a couple times now and it's so delicious and easy I had to share! First I made it with pork, then I made it with chicken. Both were good, but I do prefer the pork.

Sweet BBQ Pork/Chicken

Ingredients:

2 lbs pork shoulder or 4-6 boneless skinless chicken breasts

2 cups red salsa

1 1/2 cups agave

Directions:

Put all ingredients into crock pot. Cook on low for 8ish hours, or high for 4ish hours. I always take it out a half hour or so before and shred the meat, then put it back in to let the meat soak up more goodness.

This is good on pizza (mine is gluten free), salad, burrito, all sorts of stuff. YUM! So so so easy and something both Clay and I really loved!

In other news...I have finished "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. And I HIGHLY recommend it! Oh my goodness, I loved it and I really do think it's helped me in my life.

This was a sunset the other day. Oh my gosh it was so beautiful I had to try and capture it! My dad has mentioned a few times the sunsets of Idaho and how they're just amazing. Well living on the coast, seeing sunsets on the ocean, I thought he was crazy. But I have to admit, there are some REALLY stunning sunsets in southeast Idaho. YET- I have to say...having a sunset above the ocean is a bit better for me:) But seriously- the world is beautiful. 

I have been completely addicted to these two pandora stations: "Dean Martin & Frank Sinatra" and "Ella Fitzgerald". Oh my gosh! I was born in the wrong time. Clay is getting sick of it...but this music makes me so happy! I seriously just dance around my house while I listen to it. It makes dishes and cooking a lot more enjoyable. Like...the romantic songs are SO romantic, and the sad songs are SO sad. I love it! Makes me just roll my eyes at today's music. Not really though, I love me some beibs.

Conference was AMAZING today! Especially the morning session. For records sake, today the church announced that men may now go on missions at the age of 18, and women may go at the age of 19. This is VERY exciting to me. No longer women will go on missions just "cause I haven't gotten married yet"...they will go because they want to serve the Lord. Also, I just love that the gospel is spreading so quickly that obviously we need more missionaries! The gospel of Christ is such a beautiful, hopeful message and life to live. I'm happy more people are being exposed to it! I read that Elder Holland, when asked if they thought about allowing women to serve two years, said, "one miracle at a time...nothing is off the table". I love that the church has continual revelation, and I am happy to say that I feel so right about this decision. I feel like the gospel will spread even more quickly!

I particularly LOVED Elder Uchtdorf's talk. He basically put in words what I've been trying to figure out in my life lately. The road to happiness. Enjoying the journey. Not waiting until something is achieved to be happy. I've been trying really hard to live this way lately, and it really has made my life happier! I have a feeling I will go back and read his talk over and over to remind myself and keep myself in check.

Can't wait for tomorrow's messages!

Creativity, growth, and a little political gem at the end :)

One of the many crafts I made for Halloween this year. I used striped fabric, cut strips and sewed together to make the chevron look. I love it! And incase you can't tell it's a table runner. And doesn't it look fantastic with a pumpkin ontop?! It's exactly what I envisioned when I decided to make it. 

I'm so surprised cause I really have never had so many Halloween decorations before, and I am LOVING it! They are so fun! It just makes sitting around a bit more enjoyable cause I'm surrounded by fun things...that I CREATED! I love it.

I've decided something important. And I think I have probably realized this before in my life, but I just relearned it. I need to be creating in order to be happy. It's just like Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf says, 

“The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul.  No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.  We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty.”

So perfect. But really, I think if I'm not creating, I'm not too happy. Whether it's decorating, sewing, crafting, organizing, baking, blogging, really anything...its exactly what he said, "We have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before". 

I kind of think it goes hand in hand with growth. We are constantly moving in our lives whether it be in a downward slope, or an upwards slope. So I truly believe that we are either growing or getting worse. So anyway...I am trying to grow more! It's hard, but worth it I think. 

Well, this weekend will be a good one! The General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! I'm so excited! I will grow a lot this weekend :) At least I'll be motivated to. 

PS. I watched the debate and I have to say, as someone who does taxes for a living...Romney's tax plan sounds a whole lot more logical than Obama's. I don't know much about certain political agendas...but I know this much...Romney clearly knows economics, and Obama doesn't. Romney's plan allows businesses some breathing room to hire more people, causing more people to be paying taxes, causing more people to make money and spend money, causing businesses to grow, causing the economy to grow...Obama's plan will suffocate the business owner causing them to lay off workers because they will no longer be able to afford to keep them since that money is now going to taxes. Taxes which then go to food stamps and welfare, to the people who got laid off because of the tax hike. All of this destroying the economy. Which confirmed for me that I am so so soooo TEAM MITT! Another thing that confirmed it was...Obama was kinda pretending he was running for the first time, making promises as if he hasn't been in office 4 years to do anything. Mitt has a solid record of success, whereas the only record I see of Obama is suckville America. By the way, my insurance just went up $20 a MONTH. Which sucks.

And incase anyone is wondering what these guys would look like if they switched hair, this would be it. 

Whoever made this is a genius. (it wasn't me- I just saw it online, have no idea where it came from)

PS- I have another post below with a pilgrim apron I made!

Pilgrim Apron

So I already have my Santa and Skeleton Aprons so I decided I needed one for Thanksgiving! That's when I thought, hmmmm how about a pilgrim! So, here it is.

 

I'm not really angry, like I look in the picture. I think this was like the 5th self-timed photo I took of myself and anyway...this was seriously the best I got!

I used the same pattern as the santa and skeleton ones (which can be found under my tutorials), and just added the collar basically. I'm really pleased with how it turned out! Pretty cute! Clay wants me to make an Indian one now :) But I think this will do for my Thanksgiving cooking.

Halloween Decor Video

I thought it'd be fun to do a little video tour of my halloween decor this year! You know...a bit of a changeup. 

Anyway, I have so much more halloween decor this year and I LOVE IT! The headless lady is quite new for me...I'm not used to such creepy decor, but it's kinda fun...haha. Here she is at night...

Our Early $100 Christmas Present

 All the pics on this post are such crappy pictures! Poor Clay, he'll be so irritated. But seriously it's HARD to take pictures in a basement...

 Woohoo!!

Clay's dreams came true, we finally got a huge 60" plasma tv in our basement! 

Here's how the story goes...

Me: "I want to host Thanksgiving this year."

Clay: "Why?"

Me: "It'd be fun..."

Clay: "Why?"

Me: "I think it'd help distract me from not being around my family for the holidays"

Clay: "Um...well I don't really want to do that because little kids will be all over the place and I don't trust them around my electronics"

Me: "You realize we will have kids one day right?"

Clay: "I trust our kids. I don't trust other people's kids."

Story of my life. Clay is stressed about his electronics. Are you AWARE of how obsessed Clay is with electronics? When I say electronics I mean TV's, bluray/dvd players, video game consoles, surround sound, all sorts of wires and such, and computers and basically all sorts of technology. It's basically his number one hobby and I would trust him over basically anyone in the universe when it comes to this stuff. 

So anyway...the convo went much longer than this but the jist of it is...he gets stressed when his electronics are out and easily accessible for children and wanted a mounted tv with electronics hidden away under our stairs. I thought about it and I was like...HEY- we have a ton of crap around this house. Why not sell it? So I pose the idea to Clay and he LAUGHS IN MY FACE (not really) saying how there's no way we could raise enough cash for his tv! Then I made a spreadsheet and showed him all the things I thought of to sell, and after he thought of more...we realized...hey! We could actually do this! So after selling the following things:


side table
patio furniture
zune
ipod nano
paintball guns
broke tv (only part of it was broke)
motorcycle (old junky one we got for free)
subs x 3
roller blades (found brand new in our house when we moved in)
portable DVD player
long table
360 HD
AV Switch
rocking chair
camera strap cover
aquarium

And a few more things...like...for instance- we had a jar that had a bunch of change in it. I counted it and guess what- 35 bucks! Also we had $150 worth of credit card points that could go towards walmart. So I told Clay the TV had to come from Sam's club or walmart, and he said okay! I was really surprised cause Clay does NOT like being limited to where he can buy things.

So anywho...after a few weeks of having people come over, meeting people in the back of the walmart parking lot, texting, calling, emailing interested buyers...we seriously raised enough money! I only had to chip in $100 of our own dollars which will be our Christmas presents this year for each other!

You guys will probably say like, "Oh you're such a nice wifey" or something...but seriously? I love tv, like I've said before...and I love it! It's way fun and it makes Clay REALLY happy and so I am a happy camper.

Here are some more pictures, get ready to be impressed!

Clay built BY HIMSELF these shelves and put them up! He put all our electronics on here so they are away from tiny hands and he got this device that makes it able for remotes to reach through the walls.







This wall only has the tv, and the center speaker, and the kinect! NO CORDS anywhere along the wall. It's so fantastic.

And we put the tv high enough so that our big pooch doesn't get in our way. We had that problem with our old tv. He would walk infront of us and obstruct our view! He's just so dang big. So now we don't have that problem :)

And now! I'm hosting thanksgiving! Hoorah!

Clay is still confused why I even want to host thanksgiving...but the truth is...I am not going to see any of my family for holidays this year (unless someone decides to visit me) and its kind of depressing...so it would be nice to have something to distract me from it. You know? I mean...doesn't that make sense to you guys? Somehow it wasn't quite computing with Clay...but he is a man. I'm guessing for Clay, me talking about hosting thanksgiving is kinda like him talking to me about how cool it was when this football player reached behind him in some cool way and caught the football. It just doesn't compute in my mind why it's that big of a deal. But you know, whatev.

So far we've watched part of Avatar, we watched Avengers, I watched Revenge, Clay watched some football...and it's just awesome! We love it. We are so blessed! Things just went really smoothly and we were able to get everything we needed. And we have such a great space for it.

Anyone up for a movie marathon?! :)