tired girl...

This is a picture of a tired girl. Her eyes look kinda funny...does one of my eyes always look off-center? I don't think so....but maybe that's just what happens when I'm tired and trying to take a picture of myself with an iphone without looking at the phone, so that it looks like I'm looking at the camera, not up...you know?

So you know...the usual. Work, school, lots of chicken. What?! I don't know why I do these things sometimes. I feel like I have enough on my plate and then I go and add something! Have you heard of Zaycon chicken? Basically...you buy a TON of chicken at once for a discounted price, and its 100% natural chicken with no added hormones, additives, or artificial ingredients. I'm not SUPER convinced of it just cause like, it's not organic or free range...but I figure it's better than the usual grocery store junk. Anywho...I bought 40 POUNDS OF CHICKEN! It's all fresh, right from the farm or wherever, and its just a ton of boneless skinless breasts, but they aren't cleaned up or anything. So it's my job to cut, freeze, make meals, etc. Tonight I made a bunch of chicken taquitos. YUM. I love them, and they are good for lunches and freeze. Tomorrow I'm going to make chicken taco wrap stuff. Anyway, I'm hoping to get it all done by Saturday. OH- but a major good thing is...one of my friends from my ward paid me for half. So I only have to deal with 20 pounds...which is still a lot.

Today I told Clay, "My goodness- can you imagine what life will be like once I'm not taking these danged classes?!"....then I said..."Screw classes...just think how life will be without Lyme and pills!". Seriously, you'd think we'd get used to taking so many pills...but it's the biggest stress. Such a pain and we both hate it. Certain pills make it so that water tastes bad. And everything you eat tastes bad. It just makes your mouth taste so bad. For HOURS after you take it. So annoying. I'm taking a pill like that right now. Oh well, I'd rather have that then gut wrenching pain...like Clay is having! Man oh man. I just keep telling myself to hang on for a year and we'll just feel like we have the best life in the whole world. A life without pills, pain, classes? Seriously sounds like heaven. 

I am pretty excited about my chicken though. It's forcing me to make a bunch of meals, and I love that. So much better and cheaper than eating out when I'm too tired to cook.

I am busy, and tired, but I am feeling good. Life really is good and Clay and I are so blessed. I have been reminded so much lately of how much my body was limited a year ago. Its so funny because no one really would notice or know...because I could do normal things. I just couldn't do more than one normal thing in a day. I just remember anytime I went grocery shopping I had to bring back something for dinner cause there was NO WAY I could do grocery shopping and cooking in a day. Even if I just picked up a few things. So strange. Because now I can. When I think of how much better my body is, I am happy. Clay too. He worked out today and yesterday! That makes me happy. I know I talk about all this a lot, but I need to recognize it and talk it out. It helps me.

Really, I am so happy! I think angels are helping me with my school cause somehow I'm passing all my classes and still doing all the normal things in life (with the exception of having a dirty kitchen...a lot...). I do wish I had more time for crafts/sewing...there are some ideas that just keep coming to me and I just don't have time for them. Oh well. Just a few more months and my time is all mine. 

Well, time to go finish packing those taquitos for freezing. Then...tv and sleep :)

Church is the best.

Seriously. It's like, everytime I am having the worst time, and don't want to go to church...but force myself to go...I am spiritually filled more than I even thought possible! This morning I was in a dark place...I wanted nothing more than to stay home. Clay wasn't feeling well, so he wasn't going. I was tired, sick of my life, and just down. Then I decided....I had to go. If I stopped going to church because I didn't feel like it, I'd lose myself, and Satan would be so happy. So I went. I was late, but I went.

Church was basically prepared for me today. It was all about waiting on the Lord, and how our trials are "but a small moment". We need to remember that He is aware of us, and He knows the right timing, and if we know we are waiting on the Lord, and endure with faith...all will be well and we will be rewarded more than we can imagine.

I am counting on that.

I'm so grateful for my faith. I don't know where I'd be or what condition I'd be in without it. Just the simple faith I have that God knows me, cares about me, and is there for me if I TRULY put faith in him...is really what keeps me going. I had an experience recently where I prayed for something specific. I prayed so much. I then felt the urging to do certain things, and they didn't logically make sense to me... but I did them anyway because I knew my prayer was being answered... I had faith and my prayer WAS answered and my problem solved. I feel like if we REALLY have no reservations and just put our full trust in God, he will lead us to the right place everytime.

I am SO grateful for lessons I learn from the scriptures, and especially the Book of Mormon. Today I was reminded that if something sucks, or we don't like a situation we are in...there is NO way you will get out of it by complaining or just waiting around. You have to ask the Lord for help, and work for it. We talked about Nephi, and how when he was in the wilderness his bow broke. Him and his family had no food, and all his family were complaining and doing nothing and blaming Nephi. Nephi prayed for help, built another bow, and searched for food. He was led to the right place, and got food. He never complained and didn't get mad at his family. He just did what he had to. I needed to be reminded of that. Sometimes my life feels so crappy. But I felt really good because I feel like I AM doing everything I can to get better. I just need to trust in the Lord more and have more faith. And remember that this is "but a small moment". Want to get some comfort? Read this from the Doctrine & Covenants.  My favorite part of this:

 7 My son, ^apeace be unto thy soul; thine ^badversity and thine afflictions shall be but a ^csmall moment;

 8 And then, if thou ^aendure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy ^bfoes.

 9 Thy ^afriends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

I seriously needed reminding of that. I am happy because I DO have friends/family that stand by me, and they help. And even though sometimes I feel really lost or lonely, there are moments when I get personal revelation and confirmation that Heavenly Father knows me, Christ knows me, and they love me and are rooting for me. And I know that this dark place I feel I'm in sometimes...wont be forever. 

Do you want a free copy of the Book of Mormon? Go here. You wont regret it.

Disney Princesses

K guys. So I've seen this picture with everyone liking it on facebook lately...like all over the place. There's a caption under the picture that says something like, "What messages are your kids getting from this?"  It makes me TERRIBLY SAD, for those people who agree with this!

The main thing I think when I see people saying, "so true", or "this is so sad"...is...I grew up LOVING these movies, and I feel like I'm a fairly confident, strong, independent female. I got a college degree, passed the CPA exam, am working for a CPA firm, grown many talents, and have accomplished a LOT in my short life so far. When I watched these movies growing up, in no way did I think I had to be pretty, had to abandon my family or my talents, had to have a man to protect me, or any of that!

The main problem in my opinion, is LACK OF PARENTING. If your kids are honestly learning their life values from a cartoon? THAT is sad! My whole life I was taught that anything on TV or in Movies was just that. TV or Movies. NOT real life. My parents taught me the difference between stories and reality. You know what else they taught me? That I am beautiful, that I am smart, that its important to work hard. They taught me that appearance and showing off your body isn't what gets you places, and isn't what brings happiness. They taught me that being a good person, being kind to others, working hard, and staying close to the Lord, is what brings happiness. I was taught that just because someone is different, or maybe not as good looking as a disney princess, doesn't mean they are any less! Never was I encouraged to be a disney princess or act like one.

That being said, are we completely ignoring the qualities that some of these disney princesses possess? Kindness, purity, humility, rising above mean people (beauty), or how about not judging someone by their rags or wealth (Aladdin)? Yes, I have ALWAYS thought Ariel's outfit is stupid. But like...are we forgetting values like, "Whistle while you work"? There are a lot of good values in these movies that are being ignored.

Here's the bottom line. There are FAR worse cartoons and tv shows that children can watch with blatantly bad messages. If you are leaving your teaching up to disney movies, then yes. You are certainly in trouble! But if you raise your children to be confident, and teach them to actually know what value is, you wont have to worry about them thinking appearance or prince charming is all there is in life. I know that is NOT what I took from those movies growing up, and I plan on sharing these movies with my kids, and grandkids, and any child in my home! Just as I plan on actually PARENTING and teaching my kids...spending quality time with them so they know what's right and wrong.

Now, toddlers and tiaras on the other hand :) Clay and I watched an episode last night...I decided that show is kind of like a car crash. As horrifying as it is, I just could not. look. away. Sickening.

This is basically my life.

Had another Zumba allergic reaction. BOOOOH. I'm gonna try a different class next week. Hopefully I'm not juts allergic to exercising? Just kidding...I think that school is moldy or something.

Made a mint chocolate cookie (the two best combos in the universe are: chocolate and mint, and chocolate and peanut butter), and it is made with 100% quinoa flour, and coconut sugar (obviously other ingredients too...but those were the main oddities). Yum. I love love love them.

REVENGE! I know I mentioned this before but seriously- I just can't get enough! I'm so mad that I don't get to see what happens next for like 2 WHOLE WEEKS! Actors shouldn't be allowed to vacation. Seriously- I know that Emily loves Jack, but she totally loves Daniel too. I love them both- and don't even know which team to PICK! Were you completely ENRAGED at Victoria when she implied that David Clarke raped her?!?!?! GAH! I hate her! But love her! Cause she's so crazy and wicked and I just love characters like that (when played as well as her). Oh and don't get my started on the ache I feel for her when she has those David Clarke flashbacks. And then outrage! When I think about the betrayal!

Don't trust that smile...

When the heck is this all going to blow up?! Emily is slowly losing control of these situations and its got me hangin on the EDGE OF MY SEAT! Oh man. If you haven't seen Revenge, do yourself a favor and get a free trial of huluplus and just watch it for a week. There's only like...13 episodes. It could definitely be done :) 

Oddly, I'm actually staying ontop of my homework, and not going too crazy. I say that cause a few times I have really gone crazy. Like, I think I just have the worst life in the world. Then I remember that all it is....is homework and work and life and I just need to keep a fresh perspective. I'm a woman and my emotions are crazy. That's okay.

Bachelor...dare I say it? I actually kind of like Courtney the model. I know she's kinda weird, but she reminds me of Michelle and I kinda love Michelle. Also, she seems to have some good chemistry going with Ben, and she's just funny. Obviously Kacie B and Emily are good ones. But I don't understand why everyone loves that one divorced girl so much. I mean, she seems fine and all, but she also seems SUPER dramatic at times...like the Shawntel deal (which by the way, was so ridiculous on so many counts I just can't even...). Anyway- Courtney is just so much more interesting and funny. Did you hear Emily is the next bachelorette? SNORE. Oh well, I thought Ashley would be boring or annoying- but I liked her. Except for the way she talked.

Lastly...EW ON NEWT. Newt Gingrich is so dispicable. I know we are supposed to forgive and forget but he smells TOO MUCH like Bill Clinton to me. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, just google "Newt Gingrich Open Marriage". Yeah...he asked his wife to have an open marriage...and admitted to having an affair for 7 years (with the woman he is now married to- his 3rd wife), and that SHE was fine with whatever he wanted and that she shouldn't want him all to herself. His first wife got cancer, and he left her. His second wife got MS and he left her. OH and when he was proposing the idea of an "open marriage" to his second wife, it was at the same time that he was speaking on family values and going against Clinton for the Monica Lewinsky thing. My dear. Supposedly he's repented and changed. But it's one of those things where it's okay to forgive, but it's also okay not to trust. Hello? I just don't like him. He's gross and a wimp.

Alright. Enough of my wisdom :) Have a good night!

Getting ready for V-day?

Are you getting excited to put Valentines decorations up? Try a print from my shop :)

 This one has been in the shop for a while. It's VERY valentines-y. 

This one is brand new! If you can't tell, it comes from the famous Elvis Presley song, "Can't help falling inlove". I LOVE this song. But I must admit that my FAVORITE version is Ingrid Michaelson...just play this

LOVE!

The great thing about that print is it doesn't have to be valentines day to put it up (although it goes really well with the holiday), and it'd actually be really romantic to put in a bedroom or something. Also, I am flexible with different background color options, if you aren't into purple.

Anywho...those prints are both in my shop for $15. OR- a favorite thing to do among many is to buy the digital file for only $4 bucks! Print it at costco or sams club, and have it hangin on your wall within a few hours.

So far...

I've had some major meltdowns.

Major cry sessions.

A dirty kitchen.

REALLY dirty bathroom.

A whole lot of, 'tomorrow will be better' thoughts.

Completed homework.

Successful zumba session tonight with no extra bumpy things growing on my face.

Successful gluten/sugar free chocolate cookie.

Major breakthrough when I realized that for sure, I basically could omit or reduce a lot of the salt in recipes when I use coconut sugar cause everything I use coconut sugar in tastes really salty.

I'm ready for the weekend...

Did you know we had to find new insurance? I tell you. I hate dealing with insurance and meds and everything. I just can't wait for the day when I DON'T have to worry about these things. Walgreens doesn't fill for blue cross. What? That's only like...one of the top two insurances in the world I think. Transfer...blah blah blah.

Sometimes...I look at blogs and I just feel so crappy about myself. I feel like I just need to be better at everything and like...what's wrong with me?!?! Then at church when everyone looks perfect and acts perfect and everyone is best friends...I feel like...what's wrong with me?!! Everyone has perfect pictures and perfect friends and perfect husbands and perfect houses and everything. I go to tell Clay all this and he basically says..."I think that you are just a woman. I don't understand why you all worry about these things." Seriously...I think that's the truth. Why must we worry and bring ourselves down SO MUCH?! Why do I give myself such a hard time? Why can't I choose to be happy? The fact is...I can. I can choose to love ME, and be ME and see that just cause someone can take a really pretty picture of something and describe it or their life in a really pretty way, doesn't make my life any less. It doesn't discount my successes, my goals, my things. Isn't it crazy how quickly we can go from a high to a low? That's something else Clay said, "I don't have these emotional highs and lows like you...alllll the tiiime." Seriously like...last week or something? I was talking about how my attitude was great! Well, it went down in a hurry. But I'm ready for it to go back up.

Good news. My bumpy thing did in fact, go away. I did have a kinda puffy eye the next day.

In other news...I am obsessed with the show Revenge. It's basically exactly like it says. A girl is getting revenge on everyone who betrayed her father which then KILLED him. It's so crazy and kinda horrible cause like...obviously its about revenge, not forgiveness...but I just love it. And I'm okay with that. 

Lastly, Ben the bachelor is kinda boring. Which annoys me.

Alright. Till next time!

I look like an alien....again...

Allergies aren't fair.

Did you know this is my second allergic reaction in less than a week? First I tried some dip at work, ONE BITE- then by the time I got home from work my stomach had hives, my throat was swelling, and I was wheezing. 

Benadryl saved me.

Next I'm at Zumba. This isn't the first time this has happened. I'm telling you THAT MIDDLE SCHOOL MUST HAVE POLLEN OR HAY ALL OVER THE DAMN WALLS. Ugh. Sneezing every 10 seconds or so, and eyes beginning to form special bumps with tears running down my eyes (see above picture). 

Took some benadryl. Hopefully it saves me again.

What would I do without that most precious pink pill?

Seriously- Allergies? Why? It's just not fair. I don't think I will ever learn life lessons about why we must have allergies. I sort of have appreication for things I've learned from Lyme. Sort of. A lot of times I think, "I'd be fine being healthy and less wise". But you know...I have learned a lot of things from this disease. But allergies?! Nope. Nada. 

Ugh.